Yikes.
So there is about two weeks left, then I leave for another country. Worried am I. Enough that I start to think in Yoda speak. I have money. That is good. I have given notice at my jobs which is a task that I got done. I still have other tasks to finish. My last Hep B shot is on the 19th. I have to talk to my car insurance company and then I need to buy some travel insurance. I plan on buying medical evacuation insurance but really when I get to the states, I will have none. I need to buy a lot of items. I need to move and paint my walls.
I'm scared.
I know that I will have fun and I will also have hard times. I have had people tell me it will be amazing and I have others telling me to not get raped or kidnapped. Thanks. I will work on that. Really though, part of me is scared I will fail. This is the longest I will be away from my family and the first time I will feel petless.
I'm content with my life. I guess I did not think I would reach that point without taking a trip. Breathe. It will be good. I can just feel my upper back tensing up and it is starting to hurt a bit. I took a road trip for a month when I was 20. It felt like a rite of passage. I believe this one will be another rite.
Obviously, I'm all over the place.
Anyway, I'm having a going away party on the 24th of August or next Sunday. If you have not been invited, contact me. I have started a process where I'm getting rid or at least distancing myself from those I feel are toxic or at least not great for me. I have been spending a lot (LOTS) of time thinking about what I need in relationships and what I was willing to put up with in the past. I need to learn when to walk away. I doubt anyone who reads this blog will be in the category of the not invited. If you are, I will talk to you about the problems I feel we have. Most people do not like that much honesty and most of the people I'm distancing myself from would either yell or not want to talk about it.
Back to the trip - I have a list of items I need. Syd and Brian just lent me a digital camera. Woohoo! I decided I would list all the items I need and see if anyone can lend me anything or just flat out donate.
Ear Plugs Tweezer Needle
Flashlight or Head Lam Swiss Army Knife
Universal sink plug Sleep Sack Mosquito Netting
Insect Repellent
Also, tell me it will be alright.
Blah. I'm more excited for when I get back. Finding new roommate(s). Getting a job. Dating. I have done those tasks before. I also have not been genuinely excited to job search in a long time.
Brian made a joke about Syd and him having an extra room when I got back. I thought maybe he was saying they would buy a house or that I could live with them. Weirdly to others, living with them seems rather attractive. I loved living with Syd and Brian. Brian did not official live with us before but he was there a lot. I have not been happy with my roommates since Syd. (I don't count my mom or Troy but they were cool though more like parents than roommates). It will not happen but it was nice hanging out with them tonight. It felt like family and I have missed that. I did dishes with Brian and chilled with Sydni while watching the Olympics. I taught Erik how to bang pots lids together and how to stuff condoms into a lady's shirt. It started out as a joke but he really enjoyed sticking things (paper and condoms) down my shirt and taking them out. It happened because he found Syd and Brian's condoms which they were giving to me anyway since they do not need them, and I put them in my bra. It then started a funny game that while funny was a bit odd so I stopped it.
Funny enough I have like 35 condoms now. I have paid for none. I, at this time, do not need them. I rather doubt I will use any in South America. I'm starting to feel like a condom safe haven. So if you want to donate, I have a drawer where they can collect.
Back to living with Syd and Brian, Syd thought Erik would dealer breaker. I love Erik and playing with him. I am called his Auntie. How rockin' is that! Truly the problem is that I have a cat. Imagine a vomit happy cat and a baby. I can and it is not pretty. Also, it would probably be weird to live with a family (third wheel or something). I would not feel free to bring back boys but as I mentioned I really want that close and relaxed connection you get with family or great friends.
I feel like I'm rambling so off to video game time. No spell check! I'm living on the edge.
