Culmination

My fibroid surgery is tomorrow. For the past few weeks, I have been scared and then excited. I then worried about money and back to excited. My emotions have been going around and around. Last night, a co-worker asked, “Why do you need the surgery? Couldn’t you live with it?”

I asked myself that question several times over the past 10 months. I know I could live with it because I have been. That question leads a different one. Do I want children? I don’t know anymore. I have said yes many times in the past. I do not know now. I want the option of children.

Why have the surgery now?

At this very moment, I am exhausted. My period started yesterday and I have been bleeding heavily since. Before my chemical menopause, I would bleed for two weeks and so much. It sucked. I could put on a new pad, ride my bike for 15 minutes, and suddenly I had bleed through my pad and my jeans. My energy drained out of me as the blood did.

I am going into debt for the first time in my life. I have visions of me bleeding out on the table or having other risks from the surgery. I did my research and chose a great surgeon. I have time and support now. My family is amazing. I am tired of waiting.

I feel like I am making this surgery too big of a deal. That’s okay. I have learned and next medical dilemma or life crisis, I will know how to roll with it better. Tomorrow, my fibroid comes out. Today, I am chugging magnesium citrate (a laxative for the big day). When I feel better, I am going out dancing. I will figure out this whole traveling thing and I will flirt like no other.


P.S. The Phoenix Comicon series is almost complete and I will have the last one up by the end of the week.

Peace Yo

Phoenix Comicon - Part Two the Fun Attack

I also played at Comicon! On Wednesday or set up day, I went out to eat with a group of staff members at Alice Cooperstown. Two women shared the giant hot dog and yes, immature jokes were made. I asked a gent to Geek Prom with me because I was asking everyone. He said no at first. I have no memory of what I did Thursday night. That is the preview night. Most professionals, staff, and volunteer check in that day so I had a blast hurriedly handing out badges. I do remember that gent saying that he was taking me to Greek Prom. Twenty minutes later, he told me he had bought the tickets and then he kept on walking. I glanced in his direction. Was this a date? I was not sure but had to get back to my station.

My bro Roy showed up on Friday. He was such a trooper. He got one of my free passes but I roped him into helping me with Check In Will Call. We got some free time and rushed over to see the panel about Space. It was only about our solar system. It was so boring and yet it brought up my old yearning. Space remains a viable way of living the books and stories I read when young. My ultimate dream is space. I’m not sure what my role will be but I will be involved in one way or another.

After the lecture on space, my brother and I wander through the exhibition hall. We went back to my station. When I had to leave, he ran it all by himself for a bit and he became a volunteer. It was not the most official route but it made no real difference since he was getting a free badge anyway.

My friend Rebecca had got the other pass and showed up that day as well. My brother and I wanted to see the panel about being a voice actor in video games. Okay, truthfully, I wanted to see it and my brother wanted to hang out with me because he is amazing.  Rebecca showed up with a friend and said they would meet up with us in Wil Wheaton’s Awesome Hour. It was right by my station so I went and listened. You know what I found out? Wil Wheaton is pretty dang awesome. It did not matter. Roy and I had a mission. We made it to the voice actor panel! It was rather boring. We decided back to Wil Wheaton! It was a great decision.

Later, Roy and I headed over to the Hyatt to eat at the staff lounge. Right in front, zombies were gathering. The zombie walk was in an hour. The best part was that people had dressed up as the Phoenix ambassadors (people wearing the orange shirts and helpfully tell you what is going on in downtown Phoenix) who had been attacked and turned into zombies. I turned grumpy and sullen so my brother said I needed to eat. We saw people gaming on the second floor so of course we had to stop. We had gamed with them before so we started a game of Bang!

We almost missed the walk! We stopped halfway through the game and dashed down the stairs. We saw people milling but the zombies had walked on. We ran across the street and through a building, and saw the lights from the Blockbuster vehicle. Behind that car, a group of snarling and screaming zombies jumped on some people. Oh hell, that situation felt real.

Would I just stand there and think it was a funny act if a real zombie attack happened? I hope not.

I took a step back because I did not want to be jumped. It was all okay. It was really just people dressed up as zombies having fun. The start of the walk was a bit terrifying. Near the end, Raccoon police surrounded two female zombies. Each zombie had a stick attached to their neck so the police could lead them on with out getting bit. The zombie females’ bosoms heaved out of their ripped T-shirts as they stalked toward prey. Then they were pulled back by the Raccoon police (get the Resident evil reference?).

The people dressed up as Phoenix ambassadors were really Phoenix ambassadors! Those badasses dressed up for the event. Amazing folk. People stared stunned and confused from bars and restaurants as zombies milled about or screamingly reached through bars toward the living. One of the Phoenix ambassadors stared into a restaurant like it was a buffet. She just stood there and stared. Then she snarled and leaned closer to the glass. A kid inside screamed and ran. We all laughed. It was a bit mean but also a lot hilarious.

I ended the night by checking on my people. Roy and I covered someone so they could take a break. Rebecca stopped by and gave back her pass. She felt sick and was not staying for Wil Wheaton’s Rock band (that guy is seriously cool). At first, my mood soured from disappointment but then my brother pointed out something obvious. “You are exhausted. Go home.” I did.

Phoenix Comicon - All work

I worked Comicon this year as a staff member. Last year, I was a lowly volunteer. I’m kidding about the lowly because volunteers are so important. This is something I knew, but I truly learned their importance this year. I enjoy comic conventions, but not enough to pay for with money. I pay with time. Last year, I got bored during con so decided I could increase my responsibility.

I went to staff meetings beforehand. There was good food and I met new people. I sent tedious emails. I also responded to emails and voicemails. It was fun. Okay, the tedious emails were boring, but using my brain differently than serving was good. I took five days off from my serving job to work con but really, I look for reasons to take off from work.

The reasons I go to comic conventions –
Look at costumes
Look at celebrities (only look at. I walk by, get a bit giddy, and walk on.)
Talk to people I only see at conventions but I love them, so great times
Hang out with my friends
Listen to panels about writing and voice acting
Talk to writers
Stare at writers during panels and think “that is what I want to do”

I’m starting to self identify as a writer so next year I might pay and not be involved with the running of the convention at all. This is because I do not go to conventions to check people in the whole time at Check In Will Call for professionals, staff, volunteers, and media. When it was crazy on Thursday afternoon, I was excited. I love having nonstop issues and people to deal with. I am not the person you go to when it is slow. I also saw so many people I knew from other places like two attractive co-workers from my time at Bookman’s. I wished I had time to flirt with them more.

I was scheduled for 12 hours to work on Saturday. Uh, No. I negotiated not working that many hours at con, but I’m highly competent and manage my health including stress levels very well. This means that when people start to get sick or stressed out, I was called. I started to get annoyed. I trained so many volunteers to do my position. I have an eye and sense on who can be trusted and can think. Once I got my position covered, I would be asked to step in for a second elsewhere. It was never a second.

If this blog was written right after con, I would have told everyone that I was never working this convention again. I am unsure now. I do not want to work registration. I have the skills to do that job and I desire to learn new skills. I’m volunteering my time so I can expand my knowledge. I still enjoyed con. My brother is simply amazing. We attended many panels together and walked with the zombies. Phoenix Comicon - Part Two the Fun Attack will be coming soon to a screen near you.

Catch up

Holy crap, I keep telling myself to breathe. My pre-op meeting for my surgery was today and I talked to their accounting person. There is a whole lot of not so fun things. I get to pay for and give myself an enema and douche the night before surgery. I also will probably owe about ten grand after the surgery. That is after insurance discounts and them paying 1000 of it. My plans for traveling will not be happening anytime soon. I just deeply sighed and almost cried.

I keep trying to tell myself that ten thousand is not that much. I have never bought a car or had to pay for my education with money (I paid more with time - studying and working for the University). Kids are expensive. It is starting now that is all.

I just do not want to feel stuck anymore. I stayed at my job when I should not have and I no longer want to be in Arizona. I want to experience a new place, but I will take this time to heal and grow. I will write and try to get published. I will try to figure out ways to earn money like actually starting the pet sitting job and becoming a substitute.

I'm also going into poor mood. I can no longer afford to eat out or pay for most things. I will go to the park and play. I won't go to the theater, but I will chip in for a rented movie. I will also go back to pretending I do not have a car. I will buy a bus pass and ride my bike which will make me think twice about going certain places. I will still play Powerball once a week or every other week because I can afford ten dollars a month to dream. Oh yeah, couponing here I come!

Change

I wrote a blog today about the Phoenix Comicon. There is so much to say that it will be a two part blog. It is about a page long but it needs revision which has not been done yet. I noticed it was after midnight so decided to post a small blog.

I am restless. I basically had Monday off but I had acupuncture and a work meeting that day. Today, there were no plans. The day stretched empty. I killed and got killed many times play Freelancer. I booked a flight for my Grandmother on my dad's side to visit for Thanksgiving. I also cleaned my room. I did not just pick the dirty clothes off the floor. I also organized.

Over the past week, I moved my bookcase over four feet. I pushed my bed to the wall and put my nightstand on the other side of my bed. There was a whole so I moved my dresser across the room. When I moved my bookcase, the books had to come off. When I put them back up, I organized and got rid of books (got a sackbut if anyone is interested). With my dresser, I changed the costume drawer into a costume bin thus freeing a drawer. I went through all my clothes, got rid of some, and actually had room to put all my clothes away. The file cabinet came out of the closet and the bins that formerly were in the middle of the floor took its place. I organized the file cabinet as well. I almost have all my papers off the floor. I also went grocery shopping and cleaned my kitchen.

Tomorrow should be more productive. I might finish picking up the floor. I have to help a friend move because she has helped me like four times in the past. Unfortunately for her, she owned a truck. My brother owns a truck now! I know who is helping me out in the future. I digress. I will also get fingerprinted so I can be a sub and volunteer at the Boys and Girl club. I will also be meeting up with someone off Craigslist as a potential roommate. Couch surfers come in on Friday though I work on that day. Work is being weird, not in a bad way, which is what makes it weirder.

Okay, this blog might not have been shorter but it was a whole lot more mundane.
Ciao

Cranky

My computer has been overheating so my bro and I bought a cpu heat sink/fan combo. I had done research on different ones on newegg. Zalman came highly recommended and Fry's electronics had three options. I wanted the cheapest and smallest (but still good quality). My bro wanted a bit more expensive. I was unsure if the biggest one would fit but then we bought it.

First problem, the heat sink had a four pin connector and I only had three pins. Roy felt guilty. It was late. He went home and did research. It was not a problem. Yes! It just means it will always been on. Whatever. I went to install it. The bitch nut piece of equipment will not go in. I put the thermal paste on the cpu and heat sink. I then got one side of the piece of metal on the lug of my motherboard. I cannot get it on the other side.

I called my bro and grouched at him because I felt incompetent. He told me he can come over. No! I wanted to do it. Also, he lives far away and it would make me feel guilty. He said to take a break and try again. He will come over after dinner. At this point, I have only put small slices in the bottom of my right palm.

I do not take a break. I tried again. I tried with my roommate's help. I tried with pliers. I tried with a screwdriver since my bro recommended that. Whoops, it slipped. Oww! My pointer finger on my right hand looks like I decided to try to slice into deli meat. Dammit. Dammit. I flung a heavy object at my couch. I then examined the heat sink. Yep, there are pieces of my skin stuck to it. I called and bitched my brother out.

Roy came over before dinner and got it on the eighth try. I was not happy. I was cranky.

Second problem, yes, it is too big for my computer. We took off the side fan and now there is a hole into my case but the cpu heat sink fits. I apologized later that night and the next day about my behavior. My computer is fixed. Thank you Roy for loving me even when I get way to angry about the small stuff.

Couchsurfers

I surfed one couch in Ecuador and it was an adventure. A girl gave me earnings and then I was shuttled all around when I was sick. Later there was a taxi accident, dancing at a bar, and the police pulling us over. I traveled with another couchsurfer and she rocked. I was leery of couch surfing while in South America, and it never happened again. I have wanted to host couch surfers for a while. There were a few obstacles in my way. One, I kept forgetting. Two, my last roommate did not want strangers over.

Well, it is summer. It is the time of the couchsurfer. I recently got back on, updated my account, and suddenly they seem to be everywhere. I have hosted two really cool chicks! Meg and Heath stopped by for two days. They shared their stories of traveling the states and working on organic farms. My traveling part stirred and keeps telling me that I should be traveling sooner rather than later.

I would have liked to have spent more time with Heath and Meg, but I had work and then work drama that I posted about previously. We all played Quelf the first night. I have two female roommates right now so it was five women playing a silly party game. The next night we ate a great meal made my roommate. There was horseradish on spaghetti squash - two firsts for me. My roommate also invited a random gentleman from the sidewalk who had been looking for someone, but instead he ate dinner with us and just chilled. He read interesting poetry but I did not want to hang out with a random dude. I went to bed. The next day I spent a few hours on my couch just chatting with the two girls. There are more couchsurfers coming at the end of the month.

P.S. My brother and I will be repairing my computer tomorrow night. I will blog about the Phoenix Comicon at the next update. Many events happened and I need time to blog about it all.

Time of C

Grumpator has a theme every month and I am copying her this month. My blog's themes will center around words that start with c and the blogs will also contain c words whenever possible. If I cannot cram all the blogs into this month, I will continue until the theme is complete.

For example, my last blog was about my computer. It is overheating (internal temperature was at 70 degrees Celsius) which is why this update is late. My brother and I will be working on fixing it by buying new fans and a new CPU heat sink and fan combo. Once my computer is back to working order, updates will be timely and computer gaming will commence.

A not so quick mention, my crappy job is not paying me enough money to pay my bills. I believe I will be alright until my surgery on June 29th. I'm looking harder for a second job but not that hard. You may ask, "Why is your job so crappy?" Well, the other day, I got pulled into a meeting with two of my bosses because a customer wrote a negative comment. I asked to read it but was not allowed to. My boss read the comment and specifically used my name. They reamed me out and said if I do anything wrong in the future I was fired. I cried and was depressed that my surgery at the end of the month was not going to happen.

I went home and found the survey online, no where was my name mentioned. It did not seem like it was me in the survey. I had talked to the woman about Loveland for like five minutes. I talked to another girl, Dani at the Starbucks the next day and she said she remembered the woman. The woman had not liked another girl's service and Dani had been present. She even warned the FnB manager that a bad comment was on its way. They apparently did not remember. A email was sent out and confirmation came back that it was not me.

I was almost fired for the actions of another and my management tried to do that before they even got all the facts. I was naive before, but now I know they really do not want me there. I talked to both the manager and director. Neither apologized or said anything to the fact that they should not have done what they did. Oh well.

I posted this blog yesterday but forgot the Wil Wheaton maxim of "Don't be a dick." I wrote adjectives I should not have but my brother reminded me of the nature of the internet so I pulled the blog quickly. I doubt my blogs will ever be as well read as Wil Wheaton or John Scalzi , but I am glad that I was relearned this lesson now. By and by, I read Wil's blog now and plan to start on Scalzi's soon. They use their names and I should as well. My objectives have changed and I want this blog to be more public. Also, if I use my name, I will be more cognizant of the fact that my life outside of the internet is attached to this blog.

P.S. - I'm so excited that I linked Wheaton's and Scalzi's blogs. I read some of Scalzi and I can feel a fan love starting to grow. His Android's Dream has so many creative ideas and was a fun read.

Hint Hint

My computer keeps shutting down when I am play the video game Freelancer. At the time, I am usually thinking, "Go do something else. Be productive" and then bam the computer shuts down. So my computer is saying:

Go write.. like in a blog where you are going to definitely have updates every Thursday even if they are filler ones of poems that you like.

or

Dear gods! Fix me. It is too hot in here! Ahhhhhh... all is going dark.