I said I would post everyday to celebrate having posted 100 enteries, but that obviously did not happen. Obviously, I will then do the opposite extreme. I am taking a break! I'm not making self imposed deadlines so screw it. I still plan on posting but no more pressure if I do not.
Also, working two jobs uses up a lot of time. I'm happier though. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wordpress vs Blogger
I use both Wordpress and Blogger now. I use Blogger.com for my personal blogs and Word press for the Chandler Symphony blog. I feel like I have not played with either as much as I should. Wordpress has impressed me more so far. It seems a bit more user friendly and there is more content for me to learn and play with. I will do that but not this week.
This thought process started for one reason. I said I would blog everyday but forgot till late. I'm tired and wanted a quick subject. I came to blogger trying to convince myself that I could write something quick and not revising it would not be too bad (I know it really is so I will look over the last few blogs because I have been lazy for a bit). I saw the Stat button on blogger so I clicked on it. I do not remember blogger always having that function. I added my own traffic tracker and lost it when I changed my design. Wordpress displays the stats in nifty charts which I like better than blogger's though I am unsure why. I will do more research tomorrow. On the other hand, blogger let me not track my own page views which will significantly decrease traffic.
I have a question about my traffic. Why would someone from the Netherlands be curious about my 100th post or my stupid roommate? A few people from other countries have looked at my blog site. I am guessing a wrong click most of the time. Funny enough, people have looked at my Galapagos post in the past month. This whole stats tab is quite fun. I need to go back and revise older blogs.
This thought process started for one reason. I said I would blog everyday but forgot till late. I'm tired and wanted a quick subject. I came to blogger trying to convince myself that I could write something quick and not revising it would not be too bad (I know it really is so I will look over the last few blogs because I have been lazy for a bit). I saw the Stat button on blogger so I clicked on it. I do not remember blogger always having that function. I added my own traffic tracker and lost it when I changed my design. Wordpress displays the stats in nifty charts which I like better than blogger's though I am unsure why. I will do more research tomorrow. On the other hand, blogger let me not track my own page views which will significantly decrease traffic.
I have a question about my traffic. Why would someone from the Netherlands be curious about my 100th post or my stupid roommate? A few people from other countries have looked at my blog site. I am guessing a wrong click most of the time. Funny enough, people have looked at my Galapagos post in the past month. This whole stats tab is quite fun. I need to go back and revise older blogs.
Monday, November 8, 2010
This is my 100th blog here!
Webcomics always celebrate their hundreds and I feel like I should. I am just unsure how. I will celebrate by blogging once a day for a week. This is also because I so need to catch up on some stories. I thought about writing about my 10 year high school reunion, the election, and Halloween, but I wanted to write about wanting to write. No really, this will be a short blog about a variety of subjects.
I got a new job! I got another food and beverage job. School districts are swamped with subs so I'm postponing going that for two months. The Halloween story will fill in the details for where I got my motivation but it all boils down to the Hilton is a horrible place for me to work for. It is such a toxic place. Anyway, I got a job working at Cafe Forte - a restaurant in Old town Scottsdale.
My brother is moving in December 1st. My roommate is struggling with the fact that I gave her 30 days notice. I told her at first that she probably could stay till December 8th because that was when her apartment became available. Once she got that from me, she stopped talking to me other than polite murmurings. She ignored me and huffed about so I got angry. Also, my bro is excited to move in and have his birthday party here. That date is the 12th of December so 4 days is not enough time. When I told my roommate that she had 30 days, she told me that the earliest she could leave was the 8th. Oh, I do not think so. I told her it was in our sublease agreement that 30 days notice is all that is required. As well, she shot a gun in our house. I love playing that card because she has no argument against it. She tried again to change my mind today. No way, she is out.
Talking of my home, I felt it was too messy. My brother assured me it was not. I picked up a bit and feel better. My room reverted back to its normal mess but I will work on it.
Lastly, my dating break is over. I got tired of meeting guys. Also, life got distracting. I figured out my goals for the next five years and got a second job which seemed to fix most of the issues I was having. At the same time as I got the job, I meet a really nice guy. Who knew that listening to NPR would be a turn on? We are just hanging out so who knows if he is even interested, but he got me thinking of dating again.
Continuing goal - Practice my bass. Not just say it or write it, but actually make some noise.
I got a new job! I got another food and beverage job. School districts are swamped with subs so I'm postponing going that for two months. The Halloween story will fill in the details for where I got my motivation but it all boils down to the Hilton is a horrible place for me to work for. It is such a toxic place. Anyway, I got a job working at Cafe Forte - a restaurant in Old town Scottsdale.
My brother is moving in December 1st. My roommate is struggling with the fact that I gave her 30 days notice. I told her at first that she probably could stay till December 8th because that was when her apartment became available. Once she got that from me, she stopped talking to me other than polite murmurings. She ignored me and huffed about so I got angry. Also, my bro is excited to move in and have his birthday party here. That date is the 12th of December so 4 days is not enough time. When I told my roommate that she had 30 days, she told me that the earliest she could leave was the 8th. Oh, I do not think so. I told her it was in our sublease agreement that 30 days notice is all that is required. As well, she shot a gun in our house. I love playing that card because she has no argument against it. She tried again to change my mind today. No way, she is out.
Talking of my home, I felt it was too messy. My brother assured me it was not. I picked up a bit and feel better. My room reverted back to its normal mess but I will work on it.
Lastly, my dating break is over. I got tired of meeting guys. Also, life got distracting. I figured out my goals for the next five years and got a second job which seemed to fix most of the issues I was having. At the same time as I got the job, I meet a really nice guy. Who knew that listening to NPR would be a turn on? We are just hanging out so who knows if he is even interested, but he got me thinking of dating again.
Continuing goal - Practice my bass. Not just say it or write it, but actually make some noise.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
My roommate is a moron
I found her on craigslist and she was not that bad in the beginning. She started to talk a lot about her boyfriend. Now, I do not want to be the kettle calling the pot black because I know I talk about boys a lot as well, but this was so inane. For example she told me that her boyfriend did not want her to come over right away because he just wanted to chill at home. She said, "But his roommates are there so it is not like he is alone. Is it me? Am I smothering him? Should I call him?" No you should not call him! Blah
She is nice but so needy. She must have attention. She used to be a stripper because she needed money (and attention?). Why did she need money? Well, her ex-boyfriend (not the one she goes on and on about) conned her out of money. It was not that hard. She lent him her credit card after they had been together for 3 months for a road trip. She was not his first con and who knows how long it would have gone on if he had not been arrested for his previous crimes.
I know that she brings bad situations upon herself. She does not seem to recognize this fact.
So... she bought a gun.
I was not scared at all... because... I was not thinking obviously. She decided to load it while I was doing dishes. She was singing, "First time I loading my new gun."
Suddenly there was a loud bang. My ears started to ring and the fire alarm goes off. I ask her calmly to turn it off.
That is right. She accidentally shot the gun in the apartment because the pawn shop told her the safety was in the lock position. It has a key and there is no way to see if it is locked. It was not.
Everything worked out. She only put holes in the walls and the ceiling. I know my upstairs neighbor and we checked out his place. There was not a bullet hole so it probably got lodged in the ceiling.
She leaves by the end of November if not sooner! Woot.
She is nice but so needy. She must have attention. She used to be a stripper because she needed money (and attention?). Why did she need money? Well, her ex-boyfriend (not the one she goes on and on about) conned her out of money. It was not that hard. She lent him her credit card after they had been together for 3 months for a road trip. She was not his first con and who knows how long it would have gone on if he had not been arrested for his previous crimes.
I know that she brings bad situations upon herself. She does not seem to recognize this fact.
So... she bought a gun.
I was not scared at all... because... I was not thinking obviously. She decided to load it while I was doing dishes. She was singing, "First time I loading my new gun."
Suddenly there was a loud bang. My ears started to ring and the fire alarm goes off. I ask her calmly to turn it off.
That is right. She accidentally shot the gun in the apartment because the pawn shop told her the safety was in the lock position. It has a key and there is no way to see if it is locked. It was not.
Everything worked out. She only put holes in the walls and the ceiling. I know my upstairs neighbor and we checked out his place. There was not a bullet hole so it probably got lodged in the ceiling.
She leaves by the end of November if not sooner! Woot.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
15 Games
This was stolen from Grumptator.
The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. 15 games you've played that will always stick with you. List the first 15 you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. (Yeah, like I will need 15 minutes though I have periodically thought about this blog in the past week).
1. Skip Bo - the reason I am a game. My grandmother and family have been playing this game as long as I can remember.
2. Risk - a game with complicated rules. Risk rage - enough said
3. Thunder and Lighting - one of the few video games I have beaten
4. Lost Viking - three player cooperative video game where my father, brother, and I still fought over
5. Chess - I started in first grade. It was a bit sad the day I got better than my dad. I almost wish I had done tournaments. Oh I forgot Backgammon well it will get an honorary position here
6. Monopoly - I played a 6 hour game with an older friend who I thought was the coolest ever one New Year's Eve Night. We quit shortly before midnight. I have played it so many times and boring is what will probably stick with me.
5. Zombies - a rather silly game but it lead to games being banned during Government Documents party (We played too much) and it also lead me to The Gamer Society (TGS) which lead to a whole new path in my life
6. Phase 10 - a family classic that has to be played when my mom's side gets together. There have been fights.
7. Munchkin - a lame game now but boy did I play it a lot the first year of TGS. A good gateway game (interesting game different from standard games with the gateway game leading to hardcore games)
8. Settlers of Catan - another great gateway game. Sadly, it was overplayed with a group of friends when we played it like every Sunday for 6 months (for me - the group played longer). We can never go back.
9. Lunch Money - another TGS game. It is tons better when story telling is involved and apparently I started a house rule where the trump card does not work if you do not explain it no matter how lame.
10. Once Upon a Time - Story telling game! One of my favorites. This has lead to great stories like the fairy tale of the queen that gets cursed to be a deer and falls in love with a fairy. She has deer fairy hybrids (some of which are grotesque) and those end up being her unique to her husband the king. Also one time, I bored others with my Jane Austen style of play. Think - the main lady writes a letter detailing her thoughts which are. It gets sent. The gentleman writes back..."Dear lord, Shilo stop." No, I do not think so. I also have a rep of being the Destroyer. Too many plot lines - fine it was a dream or those people died. Muhhahaha
11. Culdcept - odd video game first played at a Con and then ordered online. Think Magic the Gathering meets Monopoly (but oddly it is not boring like Monopoly maybe it is that it is shorter)
12. Mario Party - the video game that started my love for social video gaming. It was introduced to me by my ex-fiancé and yes, I did get as good as him. It represents our good times
13. Dance Dance Revolution - my ex told me he was better at all games than me. I challenged him to DDR. I lost. I did not feel good about myself. Later I creamed him at Tetris, Dr. Mario (how could I forget this one!) and Dr Roboto's Mean Bean Machine game like games so he was wrong. DDR represents our relationship struggling.
14. Minesweeper - another of my ex-fiancé’s favorite. He challenged me to get as good as him. I got very close. When he broke up with me, he left the next day for a trip we had planned together. I did not. I had a week to move and be in limbo. I played this a lot. I set a 1 second record for beginner on his computer as a way for him to remember me by. This game represents the end of that relationship. I do not play it anymore.
15. GURPS - almost forgot about role playing. I do not have a real favorite because I struggle with finding groups I like to play but I have played GURPS the most. Earthdawn gets a shout out because it was the first and probably the best session I have ever had.
There are 15ish games. And to think, this was supposed to be a quick and short post. Side note, I listed the games first and then added commentary so I did follow the rules.
The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. 15 games you've played that will always stick with you. List the first 15 you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. (Yeah, like I will need 15 minutes though I have periodically thought about this blog in the past week).
1. Skip Bo - the reason I am a game. My grandmother and family have been playing this game as long as I can remember.
2. Risk - a game with complicated rules. Risk rage - enough said
3. Thunder and Lighting - one of the few video games I have beaten
4. Lost Viking - three player cooperative video game where my father, brother, and I still fought over
5. Chess - I started in first grade. It was a bit sad the day I got better than my dad. I almost wish I had done tournaments. Oh I forgot Backgammon well it will get an honorary position here
6. Monopoly - I played a 6 hour game with an older friend who I thought was the coolest ever one New Year's Eve Night. We quit shortly before midnight. I have played it so many times and boring is what will probably stick with me.
5. Zombies - a rather silly game but it lead to games being banned during Government Documents party (We played too much) and it also lead me to The Gamer Society (TGS) which lead to a whole new path in my life
6. Phase 10 - a family classic that has to be played when my mom's side gets together. There have been fights.
7. Munchkin - a lame game now but boy did I play it a lot the first year of TGS. A good gateway game (interesting game different from standard games with the gateway game leading to hardcore games)
8. Settlers of Catan - another great gateway game. Sadly, it was overplayed with a group of friends when we played it like every Sunday for 6 months (for me - the group played longer). We can never go back.
9. Lunch Money - another TGS game. It is tons better when story telling is involved and apparently I started a house rule where the trump card does not work if you do not explain it no matter how lame.
10. Once Upon a Time - Story telling game! One of my favorites. This has lead to great stories like the fairy tale of the queen that gets cursed to be a deer and falls in love with a fairy. She has deer fairy hybrids (some of which are grotesque) and those end up being her unique to her husband the king. Also one time, I bored others with my Jane Austen style of play. Think - the main lady writes a letter detailing her thoughts which are. It gets sent. The gentleman writes back..."Dear lord, Shilo stop." No, I do not think so. I also have a rep of being the Destroyer. Too many plot lines - fine it was a dream or those people died. Muhhahaha
11. Culdcept - odd video game first played at a Con and then ordered online. Think Magic the Gathering meets Monopoly (but oddly it is not boring like Monopoly maybe it is that it is shorter)
12. Mario Party - the video game that started my love for social video gaming. It was introduced to me by my ex-fiancé and yes, I did get as good as him. It represents our good times
13. Dance Dance Revolution - my ex told me he was better at all games than me. I challenged him to DDR. I lost. I did not feel good about myself. Later I creamed him at Tetris, Dr. Mario (how could I forget this one!) and Dr Roboto's Mean Bean Machine game like games so he was wrong. DDR represents our relationship struggling.
14. Minesweeper - another of my ex-fiancé’s favorite. He challenged me to get as good as him. I got very close. When he broke up with me, he left the next day for a trip we had planned together. I did not. I had a week to move and be in limbo. I played this a lot. I set a 1 second record for beginner on his computer as a way for him to remember me by. This game represents the end of that relationship. I do not play it anymore.
15. GURPS - almost forgot about role playing. I do not have a real favorite because I struggle with finding groups I like to play but I have played GURPS the most. Earthdawn gets a shout out because it was the first and probably the best session I have ever had.
There are 15ish games. And to think, this was supposed to be a quick and short post. Side note, I listed the games first and then added commentary so I did follow the rules.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Distractions and Obligations
I'm extremely content right now. I have a series I am enjoying .. maybe too much. Grumpator recommended it to me and lent me the first two books in the Vorkosigan series written by Lois McCaster Bujold. I have lost sleep to this addiction. At this moment, I wrenched myself away from it to write my late update.
I also fixed my computer. Well, my brother fixed it mostly. I have not been updating my adobe reader and other programs like I should so got some infections which lead to my OS crashing. We reinstalled it and I fixed the audio driver dilemma on my own.
I'm lucky because my obligations are almost all self imposed. I'm therefore struggling on getting them done. I have been writing which is good. This blog is going to get updated. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra blog needs to be updated but the only person riding me on that issue is me. I have years of getting around the responsible part of me.
Goals. That is what is needed. The CSO blog will have a day that it is suppose to be updated. I will have applied to a school district by next Thursday. I will read other blogs and try to use I less. Lastly, my house will be more neat. That seems to be a long enough list.
One last thought, Men feel like both a distraction and an obligation. If I want kids and to work on my relationship skills, I need them. They just take time and mental energy. At this juncture, they are not a distraction.
I also fixed my computer. Well, my brother fixed it mostly. I have not been updating my adobe reader and other programs like I should so got some infections which lead to my OS crashing. We reinstalled it and I fixed the audio driver dilemma on my own.
I'm lucky because my obligations are almost all self imposed. I'm therefore struggling on getting them done. I have been writing which is good. This blog is going to get updated. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra blog needs to be updated but the only person riding me on that issue is me. I have years of getting around the responsible part of me.
Goals. That is what is needed. The CSO blog will have a day that it is suppose to be updated. I will have applied to a school district by next Thursday. I will read other blogs and try to use I less. Lastly, my house will be more neat. That seems to be a long enough list.
One last thought, Men feel like both a distraction and an obligation. If I want kids and to work on my relationship skills, I need them. They just take time and mental energy. At this juncture, they are not a distraction.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Woot for hiking season starting!
I rode my bike to South Mountain. I am out of shape because I could not even ride my bike the whole way. I walked it when going over the 10 on steep overpass. It did remind me when I could not even ride halfway up. Last year, my body was so used up with the fibroid that I thought my bike was broken. It was not the bike. My body was not broken either, but it was a struggle.
I got to the bike rack at 10am because I cannot make myself get out there earlier. The sun beat down on my neck and my sports bar filled up with sweat. I loved it. There is something about being hot and exhausted that makes everything a bit clearer. I over think but not when I hike. My thoughts turn to, "I want to be done but I have 3 more miles... mostly uphill" or "Where did I leave that water bottle? Did I bring enough water? Okay, I can allow myself to have a sip now." There are the still the thoughts about where am I going with my life or should I call that guy, but there is no never ending loop because at some point I find myself staring at a Palo Verde tree, breathing hard, and thinking "tired".
I gave myself the goal to send in poems to 50 journals by the end of the year but I no longer need to do that. My new and vaguer goal, "Be rejected more!" Ultimately, I hope to not be rejected but I have too much fear so I will just practice putting myself out there in the career and dating field.
Now for something completely different. Prop 106 - It seems to be a way for some Arizonans to fight against the national health care bill. . The arguments for the Prop in my General Election November 2, 2010 Publicity Pamphlet were pretty weak. There was a good argument where the League of Women Voter of Arizona stated that the federal law supersedes the state constitution. This leads to some vague thoughts about the role of the federal and state government. I might even do research. I am curious to see what is going to happen with the national health care bill so I will vote No on Prop 106. What do you all think?
I got to the bike rack at 10am because I cannot make myself get out there earlier. The sun beat down on my neck and my sports bar filled up with sweat. I loved it. There is something about being hot and exhausted that makes everything a bit clearer. I over think but not when I hike. My thoughts turn to, "I want to be done but I have 3 more miles... mostly uphill" or "Where did I leave that water bottle? Did I bring enough water? Okay, I can allow myself to have a sip now." There are the still the thoughts about where am I going with my life or should I call that guy, but there is no never ending loop because at some point I find myself staring at a Palo Verde tree, breathing hard, and thinking "tired".
I gave myself the goal to send in poems to 50 journals by the end of the year but I no longer need to do that. My new and vaguer goal, "Be rejected more!" Ultimately, I hope to not be rejected but I have too much fear so I will just practice putting myself out there in the career and dating field.
Now for something completely different. Prop 106 - It seems to be a way for some Arizonans to fight against the national health care bill. . The arguments for the Prop in my General Election November 2, 2010 Publicity Pamphlet were pretty weak. There was a good argument where the League of Women Voter of Arizona stated that the federal law supersedes the state constitution. This leads to some vague thoughts about the role of the federal and state government. I might even do research. I am curious to see what is going to happen with the national health care bill so I will vote No on Prop 106. What do you all think?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Rearranging Time
I'm struggling to write this blog. I wrote "I'm feeling restless and trapped." My brain then said that is a weak sentence and it is all about you. How is that going to draw others in?
Grr, I have not written anything in a week or so, maybe that is part of the struggle.
There are parts to the struggle. I drove to Prescott with my dog, Lu Dog. We hiked for like four hours. I did not do my research well enough so there were a few moments of being lost and back tracking both in the car and on foot. My mother tried to assist with finding the road for me. I snapped on her on the phone and apologized. I ended up getting help from Syd. The hike was freeing. Pine trees covered the hill at the beginning of the hike while I studied the granite cliff up high. People rock climb that. I want to do that. The trail wound up the high hill (almost like a mountain but it does not really compare to the Rockies or the Andes)and then the trail descended. Lu Dog and I followed it as the terrain turned into granite outcroppings and cacti. I forgot one of my water bottles at the trail head so we rationed more than I wanted to. By the end, I was exhausted and completely happy.
I want to go back out again. I do not know where but the traveling bug is itching at me. I can't go anywhere for too long since I have to plan it better, but the camping trip in two weeks should help.
I'm still restless. I have lived in my apartment for a year and half, and I can decorate much more. My roommate Jessica and I will hang up art and maybe rearrange the furniture. If you believe in Feng Shui that will equate to a change in my life or me reflecting the changes in my home.
One of the changes revolves around boys like most of my stories. I feel like I'm boring people with those stories. I'm also getting worn down. I have been constantly going on dates since my surgery three months ago. I'm going to take a break and study for the elections. Look for my thoughts on who and what I am going to vote for.
Grr, I have not written anything in a week or so, maybe that is part of the struggle.
There are parts to the struggle. I drove to Prescott with my dog, Lu Dog. We hiked for like four hours. I did not do my research well enough so there were a few moments of being lost and back tracking both in the car and on foot. My mother tried to assist with finding the road for me. I snapped on her on the phone and apologized. I ended up getting help from Syd. The hike was freeing. Pine trees covered the hill at the beginning of the hike while I studied the granite cliff up high. People rock climb that. I want to do that. The trail wound up the high hill (almost like a mountain but it does not really compare to the Rockies or the Andes)and then the trail descended. Lu Dog and I followed it as the terrain turned into granite outcroppings and cacti. I forgot one of my water bottles at the trail head so we rationed more than I wanted to. By the end, I was exhausted and completely happy.
I want to go back out again. I do not know where but the traveling bug is itching at me. I can't go anywhere for too long since I have to plan it better, but the camping trip in two weeks should help.
I'm still restless. I have lived in my apartment for a year and half, and I can decorate much more. My roommate Jessica and I will hang up art and maybe rearrange the furniture. If you believe in Feng Shui that will equate to a change in my life or me reflecting the changes in my home.
One of the changes revolves around boys like most of my stories. I feel like I'm boring people with those stories. I'm also getting worn down. I have been constantly going on dates since my surgery three months ago. I'm going to take a break and study for the elections. Look for my thoughts on who and what I am going to vote for.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Hanson Concert
Some weeks ago, my friend Brian was standing by his wife Sydni. He looked at me and asked, "Do you remember when you told Sydni you would go to a Hanson concert if they ever came into town?" I looked back at him vaguely and said, "Not really, but I would go." Brian said, "Good, because I bought tickets." I responded, "What?" Sydni beamed and told me that the concert was on September 14. Okay that's cool.
It was on a Tuesday night so I had to tell my bass chair that I could not make it to rehearsal. I do not think he thought a Hanson concert was a valid enough reason but I did. I still do. I gave my word. It may have been four years ago when Sydni and I were living together but it is still valid.
The Hanson concert was fun. There was two opening bands. The first had Frankie Munez in it and Syd told me that he is friends with Hanson. The next band had a much more charismatic singer, but they need to work on their lyrics. Every song was about love and most included eyes, lips, and her. It got boring. We waited. Then Hanson came on. I enjoyed their new songs from their album Shout It Out. It had some brass parts in it and it felt like it had a bit of Motown influences. It was also just lovely to hang out with Sydni sans husband and kids.
One of the best parts of the evening though was with Sydni's three year old Erik. Sydni was getting ready and Brian was playing a computer game. I bored Brian with some dating stories. I even said quite excitedly, "Tell me what he meant, Brian! You speak man, right?" Brian just said, "Ummm...Uh..no". I was mostly joking but Brian has surprised me in the past with advice. I sat there and tapped my foot against the ground. I was bored. What to do? I then saw Erik running around. I asked, "Hey, Erik, you want put some clothes on and go outside?" Erik responded so cutely and said in a high pitched tone, "Yes".
Erik was wearing only underwear so Syd and I told him to get some pants on. He ran off. We chatted. He came back with a Rice Krispies box. I stood up and told him that was not his pants. We put the cereal back. Erik and I wandered around trying to find clothes that fit him and his shoes. I did not know the house and Erik apparently did not either. Erik dressed himself after telling me he could not do it and me telling him he could. He did.
We went out and explored the neighborhood. I spied a penny. I told Erik to run over and grab it. He did and put it in his pocket. I saw long pieces of styrofoam so Erik and I played swords. Then we went over to yellow posts and hit them a couple times. We picked up the styrofoam pieces and threw them away. It was like being a kid again. I was the leader and it was so fun to see Erik mimic me. I stomped on leaves so he did too. We stopped and looked at mud. I started to play in it so he did too. We checked out the pool where Erik greeted another kid who started to play lion or something in the grass. The kid did not respond. I told Erik that the kid was not interested but I was proud of his social skills. We shuffled our feet through dirt as we continued to travel through the houses.
Erik hid from me behind some bushes. I tried to convince him to follow the house behind the bushes but he did not want to. I then had to go back there and lead our exploration team behind the bushes. It was much easier for the three year old since he is much smaller. We then saw an overturned grocery cart. I told Erik it would be fun to crawl through, which he did. I was a bit jealous but I was not going to fit. I showed him how to climb on top and he kinda jumped off. I stepped on it and showed him how to use his knees to land properly. Erik found a stick and just wanted to play in the mud or destroy trees with it but I told him that we had to travel back for dinner. He got to keep the stick.
We climbed a tree and petted some dogs. We also tried to not touch the asphalt by walking only on the speed bumps. Erik started to get weary. I kept on saying, "We got to keep on going" or "Come on." He kept saying "Yes" in the cutest manner. He got some energy when there was a puddle which he splashed all over both of us. I did lead most of the activities but it was just so much fun to have someone willing to play silly games with.
Thanks to Sydni for the concert, Brian for a lovely dinner, and Erik for being three.
It was on a Tuesday night so I had to tell my bass chair that I could not make it to rehearsal. I do not think he thought a Hanson concert was a valid enough reason but I did. I still do. I gave my word. It may have been four years ago when Sydni and I were living together but it is still valid.
The Hanson concert was fun. There was two opening bands. The first had Frankie Munez in it and Syd told me that he is friends with Hanson. The next band had a much more charismatic singer, but they need to work on their lyrics. Every song was about love and most included eyes, lips, and her. It got boring. We waited. Then Hanson came on. I enjoyed their new songs from their album Shout It Out. It had some brass parts in it and it felt like it had a bit of Motown influences. It was also just lovely to hang out with Sydni sans husband and kids.
One of the best parts of the evening though was with Sydni's three year old Erik. Sydni was getting ready and Brian was playing a computer game. I bored Brian with some dating stories. I even said quite excitedly, "Tell me what he meant, Brian! You speak man, right?" Brian just said, "Ummm...Uh..no". I was mostly joking but Brian has surprised me in the past with advice. I sat there and tapped my foot against the ground. I was bored. What to do? I then saw Erik running around. I asked, "Hey, Erik, you want put some clothes on and go outside?" Erik responded so cutely and said in a high pitched tone, "Yes".
Erik was wearing only underwear so Syd and I told him to get some pants on. He ran off. We chatted. He came back with a Rice Krispies box. I stood up and told him that was not his pants. We put the cereal back. Erik and I wandered around trying to find clothes that fit him and his shoes. I did not know the house and Erik apparently did not either. Erik dressed himself after telling me he could not do it and me telling him he could. He did.
We went out and explored the neighborhood. I spied a penny. I told Erik to run over and grab it. He did and put it in his pocket. I saw long pieces of styrofoam so Erik and I played swords. Then we went over to yellow posts and hit them a couple times. We picked up the styrofoam pieces and threw them away. It was like being a kid again. I was the leader and it was so fun to see Erik mimic me. I stomped on leaves so he did too. We stopped and looked at mud. I started to play in it so he did too. We checked out the pool where Erik greeted another kid who started to play lion or something in the grass. The kid did not respond. I told Erik that the kid was not interested but I was proud of his social skills. We shuffled our feet through dirt as we continued to travel through the houses.
Erik hid from me behind some bushes. I tried to convince him to follow the house behind the bushes but he did not want to. I then had to go back there and lead our exploration team behind the bushes. It was much easier for the three year old since he is much smaller. We then saw an overturned grocery cart. I told Erik it would be fun to crawl through, which he did. I was a bit jealous but I was not going to fit. I showed him how to climb on top and he kinda jumped off. I stepped on it and showed him how to use his knees to land properly. Erik found a stick and just wanted to play in the mud or destroy trees with it but I told him that we had to travel back for dinner. He got to keep the stick.
We climbed a tree and petted some dogs. We also tried to not touch the asphalt by walking only on the speed bumps. Erik started to get weary. I kept on saying, "We got to keep on going" or "Come on." He kept saying "Yes" in the cutest manner. He got some energy when there was a puddle which he splashed all over both of us. I did lead most of the activities but it was just so much fun to have someone willing to play silly games with.
Thanks to Sydni for the concert, Brian for a lovely dinner, and Erik for being three.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Cleaning House
I am cleaning up. I do not just mean literally cleaning up like doing dishes, shifting the kitty litter, or picking up my room. That has happened (in part to find my cell phone) but I mean more!
I was the vendor room manager for Sabo Con (an anime convention). I did not work on it very much but it was always in the back of my mind. Send emails out. Figure out when you came meet up with the Operations Director. I also felt like I had no clue what was going. I hate going back on something I said I would do but I evaluated what it brought to my life. I am not into anime and I was not excited about asking time off from work. I decided. I sent an resignation email . The operations director sent a message back like two minutes later accepting while being professional. I had sent a message a week and half earlier asking when we could meet. I never got a response. I freed up my time and mental energy!
I started prioritizing. I asked for letter of recommendations from folks so I can be a substitute. I'm working out. I'm posting my blogs by my internal deadlines. I'm dating guys. Practice does make better. I do not get as nervous flirting with new guys, and I'm getting better at recognizing when to walk away and not feel guilty about it.
I still plan on vacuuming and sweeping the floors. Soon, I will have to focus on career. I have been playing with the idea of researching teaching English other places and seeing if I could pay my medical debts and be traveling at the same time. I wanted to teach English and save money for traveling but maybe that will be year two of teaching. Traveling calls.
I was the vendor room manager for Sabo Con (an anime convention). I did not work on it very much but it was always in the back of my mind. Send emails out. Figure out when you came meet up with the Operations Director. I also felt like I had no clue what was going. I hate going back on something I said I would do but I evaluated what it brought to my life. I am not into anime and I was not excited about asking time off from work. I decided. I sent an resignation email . The operations director sent a message back like two minutes later accepting while being professional. I had sent a message a week and half earlier asking when we could meet. I never got a response. I freed up my time and mental energy!
I started prioritizing. I asked for letter of recommendations from folks so I can be a substitute. I'm working out. I'm posting my blogs by my internal deadlines. I'm dating guys. Practice does make better. I do not get as nervous flirting with new guys, and I'm getting better at recognizing when to walk away and not feel guilty about it.
I still plan on vacuuming and sweeping the floors. Soon, I will have to focus on career. I have been playing with the idea of researching teaching English other places and seeing if I could pay my medical debts and be traveling at the same time. I wanted to teach English and save money for traveling but maybe that will be year two of teaching. Traveling calls.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Time!
I do not have enough time. I feel that way but I know it is not true. I just want to say yes to social engagements, earn money, and get all my writing done. Oh right! Of course, I also need time to work out and play video games. I have to start saying no especially to myself.
I was suppose to go hiking Camelback with a friend this morning but canceled on her. I should have never said yes because I know what I want to get done. I have to apply to jobs that will make me happier both with more earning power and the expectation to use my brain more. I have two blogs now. I can skimp on this one because I do, but I need to prove to myself that I can set goals like update my personal blog weekly.
I need to leave soon to go volunteer with the Boys and Girls club. AS I write this, almost all my obligations are self imposed. That makes sense since that is what life is about. I do have to to work to pay my bills. Still, my mother would let me live with her for a while and I could ditch out on my medical bills. I won't but it is weird to feel how life has the structure that we impose on them.
Anyway, I still want to see my friends but I need to find the balance. I also have been dating a lot. There have been so many experiences. I am getting better at rejecting guys that do not fit with me and I'm also getting better at going for guys. I was dating a guy recently. He got past the second date! That is a big deal. I try not to give too much details about my dating life on this blog because I just have to think about what I would want any of the guys I am dating to read about themselves that I have not verbalized. There is also two other guys that I am interested to go on dates with and another two online I plan on contacting. Again, dating takes time so I have to figure out what to cut out. I have been trying to cut sleep and cleaning. That does not really work.
I have been saying yes a lot and I need to keep on saying yes. I just need to say yes to myself about writing, volunteering, cleaning, and so on. I will figure out my priorities and it will work out.
I was suppose to go hiking Camelback with a friend this morning but canceled on her. I should have never said yes because I know what I want to get done. I have to apply to jobs that will make me happier both with more earning power and the expectation to use my brain more. I have two blogs now. I can skimp on this one because I do, but I need to prove to myself that I can set goals like update my personal blog weekly.
I need to leave soon to go volunteer with the Boys and Girls club. AS I write this, almost all my obligations are self imposed. That makes sense since that is what life is about. I do have to to work to pay my bills. Still, my mother would let me live with her for a while and I could ditch out on my medical bills. I won't but it is weird to feel how life has the structure that we impose on them.
Anyway, I still want to see my friends but I need to find the balance. I also have been dating a lot. There have been so many experiences. I am getting better at rejecting guys that do not fit with me and I'm also getting better at going for guys. I was dating a guy recently. He got past the second date! That is a big deal. I try not to give too much details about my dating life on this blog because I just have to think about what I would want any of the guys I am dating to read about themselves that I have not verbalized. There is also two other guys that I am interested to go on dates with and another two online I plan on contacting. Again, dating takes time so I have to figure out what to cut out. I have been trying to cut sleep and cleaning. That does not really work.
I have been saying yes a lot and I need to keep on saying yes. I just need to say yes to myself about writing, volunteering, cleaning, and so on. I will figure out my priorities and it will work out.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Mundane Mentions with a spattering of Momentous
A quick disclaimer, I like the word Momentous but it might be a bit of an over exaggeration for me to use. I checked my blogs for August to get a better sense of what I actually wrote. Apparently my computer and I were struggling. That problem is taken care of. My bro is coming over soon and we will be playing Culdcept so I will try to catch everyone up.
I'm listening to Pandora while writing this blog and shopping for car insurance. I had paid for a year subscription to Pandora and it expired in August. The commercials come on so often and it is like the same one over and over again. It is a commercial to buy "Why did I get married too?". It worked to the point that I made sure that it was a bad as it sounded. I googled it and looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It did not get great reviews. Should I pay another 36 dollars to listen as much as I want without commercials or should I save that 3 dollars a month? I love Pandora and easily go through the 40 hours limit a month. I will probably buying it again. I really need a second job to pay my medical bills. I can pay all my other bills with my current job but it is not enough. I do not mean just monetary wise either. My brain wants something else.
The steps that I during the summer are coming to fruition. I am a volunteer at the Boys and Girls club! Guess what? I love working with kids. I am good at it too. I started doing it to earn experience that would look good when I applied to be a substitute teacher, but I will keep on doing it because it is so much fun. There are irritating parts where a kid and I get into a minor argument about how he can communicate to me that I need to slow down. A fun moment where I told a child quite sternly that he was not to call himself dumb. I passed on my personal philosophy that there are plenty of people who will do that for you so you do not need to be one of them. He wanted me to be his substitute. So cute.
Why am I shopping for car insurance? Because I got a new car! It is a '98 Volkswagon Jetta GLX - red. A cello player in my symphony said in surprise "You got a real car!" Okay mister, my old Subaru was real if a bit worn. I found out that my car insurance was charging me too much for my old car. Not a shocker there. I told them I could get a better deal and they did not even try to compete. They charge me around 300 for 6 months and at least two places are willing to do 150-180 for the same coverage.
The cello player made his comment last Tuesday night. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra's (CSO)season is going again. Every year I am reminded how much I love playing my bass. CSO gave me a great opportunity. I am the new CSO blogger! I am the first blogger in fact. I wrote the first blog on Tuesday and I was all shaky with nerves. Here is the link. http://chandlersymphonyorchestra.wordpress.com
My brother is here so I am off. I missed last weeks update so I will write another tomorrow, but I have to apply to a school district by the end tomorrow.
I'm listening to Pandora while writing this blog and shopping for car insurance. I had paid for a year subscription to Pandora and it expired in August. The commercials come on so often and it is like the same one over and over again. It is a commercial to buy "Why did I get married too?". It worked to the point that I made sure that it was a bad as it sounded. I googled it and looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It did not get great reviews. Should I pay another 36 dollars to listen as much as I want without commercials or should I save that 3 dollars a month? I love Pandora and easily go through the 40 hours limit a month. I will probably buying it again. I really need a second job to pay my medical bills. I can pay all my other bills with my current job but it is not enough. I do not mean just monetary wise either. My brain wants something else.
The steps that I during the summer are coming to fruition. I am a volunteer at the Boys and Girls club! Guess what? I love working with kids. I am good at it too. I started doing it to earn experience that would look good when I applied to be a substitute teacher, but I will keep on doing it because it is so much fun. There are irritating parts where a kid and I get into a minor argument about how he can communicate to me that I need to slow down. A fun moment where I told a child quite sternly that he was not to call himself dumb. I passed on my personal philosophy that there are plenty of people who will do that for you so you do not need to be one of them. He wanted me to be his substitute. So cute.
Why am I shopping for car insurance? Because I got a new car! It is a '98 Volkswagon Jetta GLX - red. A cello player in my symphony said in surprise "You got a real car!" Okay mister, my old Subaru was real if a bit worn. I found out that my car insurance was charging me too much for my old car. Not a shocker there. I told them I could get a better deal and they did not even try to compete. They charge me around 300 for 6 months and at least two places are willing to do 150-180 for the same coverage.
The cello player made his comment last Tuesday night. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra's (CSO)season is going again. Every year I am reminded how much I love playing my bass. CSO gave me a great opportunity. I am the new CSO blogger! I am the first blogger in fact. I wrote the first blog on Tuesday and I was all shaky with nerves. Here is the link. http://chandlersymphonyorchestra.wordpress.com
My brother is here so I am off. I missed last weeks update so I will write another tomorrow, but I have to apply to a school district by the end tomorrow.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Budget!
I love to play with numbers. I figured out my net worth (negative for the first time). :(
I estimated my income and expenditures for a year. I live very frugally and can live on 13,000 a year. I earn about 18,000 (net not gross) so I can save 5,000 a year. My goal is to pay off my medical debt with my fiscal year - September 2010 - August 2011. This means that I need to earn 7,000 extra. Ideally I would like to earn at least 10,000 extra so I can do some fun stuff like weekend trips.
I do not want to cut my budget back anymore. I probably could get it below 10,000 but I like driving my car, eating out once in a while, and going to a few plays a year.
There is a music library position open that pays 32,000 a year. If I could get that job, it would rock. I could easily pay off my debt and still be a server some nights and weekends to earn even more money. I doubt I will get that job so the plan is still to be a substitute. My second job would still be a server because I like the work and the money.
P.S. My computer really should be repaired by next week.
I estimated my income and expenditures for a year. I live very frugally and can live on 13,000 a year. I earn about 18,000 (net not gross) so I can save 5,000 a year. My goal is to pay off my medical debt with my fiscal year - September 2010 - August 2011. This means that I need to earn 7,000 extra. Ideally I would like to earn at least 10,000 extra so I can do some fun stuff like weekend trips.
I do not want to cut my budget back anymore. I probably could get it below 10,000 but I like driving my car, eating out once in a while, and going to a few plays a year.
There is a music library position open that pays 32,000 a year. If I could get that job, it would rock. I could easily pay off my debt and still be a server some nights and weekends to earn even more money. I doubt I will get that job so the plan is still to be a substitute. My second job would still be a server because I like the work and the money.
P.S. My computer really should be repaired by next week.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I'm struggling
It will be much better when my computer is all better. I have to replace the hard drive but then my computer will be all new except for the case and some cords.
I went on a dating spree for a few weeks and now I'm taking a break.
I sent off for my sub certification and there is another position I am interested in.
I went on a dating spree for a few weeks and now I'm taking a break.
I sent off for my sub certification and there is another position I am interested in.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Computer is still burning up
My computer was having problems in the past. I did not update my blog because of that and so many other reasons. I ordered a new motherboard, CPU, and memory. The board and CPU are here! The memory comes tomorrow. I will fix my computer tomorrow with my bro and update again. I do not want to damage my hard drive or video card so that is the entirety of my blog.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Thursday Blog!
Wednesday is suppose to be poem day. I wrote the two past Wednesdays but not yesterday. I have hit an introvert phase. I cycle every few months or every other year between being outgoing and a hermit. My friends can do better hermit phase but right now it is so draining to meet new people.
I go to work and I come home exhausted. I might read a bit or play video games and then I sleep. I try to get one errand done a day. Yesterday I deposited a check and went grocery shopping. Today, I got fingerprinted again.
Fun enough, my favorite role playing group is getting together. We always seem to get together when I'm in an introvert phase which is great. I already know them and we met up every other week or so. It is perfect for what I can handle.
I was too tired to write a poem yesterday. I thought about writing a poem about being too tired to write a poem. I went to sleep instead.
I go to work and I come home exhausted. I might read a bit or play video games and then I sleep. I try to get one errand done a day. Yesterday I deposited a check and went grocery shopping. Today, I got fingerprinted again.
Fun enough, my favorite role playing group is getting together. We always seem to get together when I'm in an introvert phase which is great. I already know them and we met up every other week or so. It is perfect for what I can handle.
I was too tired to write a poem yesterday. I thought about writing a poem about being too tired to write a poem. I went to sleep instead.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Delayed Blog
I did not write a back up blog because I had the day off. Well I was called in. I got called at 7am. I rolled out of my house at 7:20 and drove slowly to my pet sitting gig. I can still drive my car but my brother recommends below 45. I then went to work and got done at 11am.
For some reason, I decided I should drive to see my friend Carla in North Phoenix. It normally takes around 30 to 40 minutes when I can take freeways. My car does not have air conditioning. There was a excessive heat warning in effect. It took me about an hour and ten very sweaty minutes to see her. It was worth it but I told her never again. The next time I drive to see here is when I have a car that can go on a freeway. She told me I was silly.
We had lunch with her husband. She and I drove (thankfully in her car) to El Mirage where I saw her class and she let me borrow some teaching books. We got back to her place and I soon after took off back to the pet sitting gig. I took care of the animals.
The drives were amazing in some ways. It made me pay attention to areas of towns I never go like the Squaw Peak (I know it has a different name now) area and the farms east of the 101 in Scottsdale. I want to travel. I will be planning a camping trip soonish.
After the pets, I drove to my new gaming group. I hung out with two of the guys because the other two members were busy. It was interesting. I told them I have many groups and they told me the rule is I just have to tell them when I cannot make it. I rather the rule was when I can make it because I am very busy. We ended the night at Ihop. I did not get home till 12:30am so I had planned a shorter blog but instead enjoy the one about my day. I need to shower and sleep.
Good night all.
For some reason, I decided I should drive to see my friend Carla in North Phoenix. It normally takes around 30 to 40 minutes when I can take freeways. My car does not have air conditioning. There was a excessive heat warning in effect. It took me about an hour and ten very sweaty minutes to see her. It was worth it but I told her never again. The next time I drive to see here is when I have a car that can go on a freeway. She told me I was silly.
We had lunch with her husband. She and I drove (thankfully in her car) to El Mirage where I saw her class and she let me borrow some teaching books. We got back to her place and I soon after took off back to the pet sitting gig. I took care of the animals.
The drives were amazing in some ways. It made me pay attention to areas of towns I never go like the Squaw Peak (I know it has a different name now) area and the farms east of the 101 in Scottsdale. I want to travel. I will be planning a camping trip soonish.
After the pets, I drove to my new gaming group. I hung out with two of the guys because the other two members were busy. It was interesting. I told them I have many groups and they told me the rule is I just have to tell them when I cannot make it. I rather the rule was when I can make it because I am very busy. We ended the night at Ihop. I did not get home till 12:30am so I had planned a shorter blog but instead enjoy the one about my day. I need to shower and sleep.
Good night all.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Good Gaming Group?
I can't find a group where I fit. I would love to have a group that meets up consistently that was fun to play with. The people I love playing with do not have time to play that often. The groups that play every week bother me. Maybe it is because I see those groups more often?
No, it is because there is a certain mentality to those that have set groups that meet weekly. One, I'm usually coming into those groups solo and they know how everyone else plays. This gives them an advantage and I dislike losing. I am playing with a group now where I am constantly coming in last. I feel like I'm not good enough. I do not like that feeling but it is okay for me to learn some more humility. For example, the spread in the bean game was 16 for the winner and 12 for the lowest score. In Puerto Rico, the winner had 53 while the lowest score was 42. The problem was I have constantly been the lowest score. It did not bother me last week since I was out of it, but I do believe they may just be better than me.
Oh it hurts to type. It is just not that fun for me. It is like running track against people who are naturally better and training longer who are extremely serious about running. If I could run with them, maybe it would be more fun, but I want to run with the group laughing.
Second, these groups are all about the mechanics. No, when we play Bang as if we all are in the old west or on a Frontier world like Firefly. We are people with cards. I ask, "What does that card say?" "Oh I can shoot people from 3 spaces away," they would reply. "Okay I can see the symbols what does the very top say?" "Oh, it is a buffalo rife."
Imagine the fun that could be said with that! Protect yourselves because I'm hunting all of yaw and your buffalo. Or Oops I meant to shoot that buffalo and you were just too close. My bad. These are just two silly statements that could be said.
I get bored focusing on the mechanics. There is only so many ways a game can be played even an excellent game. You can play the game x, y, or z. If you start down the x path, then you want to do this. If y or z, then these paths. I did get grumpy with the groups last night because I can usually see those paths and I like being the best, but I have played cooperatively too long. It is not just about the paths anymore, but if I am trudging down the path, skipping with my friend, or doing cartwheels.
I do need to get over insecurities. In my running example above, I do not care if someone runs faster. This is where I am at genetically and how much I am willing to train. This is true in gaming as well. Others are smarter and are willing to play more often. I am feeling better just typing this blog.
I'm just agreeing with two of my friends who rather role play than play board games. I have so many more problems finding a group I can role play with. I like my board games to be role played more and I like my role playing groups to have end points. I can play a card or board game without role playing or being silly. I can also role play for sessions where the story line never gets finished. I just rather play differently.
Okay so this is what I have learned about myself. I should be playing one shots or short story arc role playing. I need to find one really flexible group who wants to board game and role play- doubtful. On the other hand, I could find a few groups who do different activities. I would love to find that group that is silly, social, and strategic or a group who would love Killer Bunnies. Then I would have another group that role playing with definite story arcs. Alas, I don't have the time to play as consistently as I would like to.
At this point, I have become like my friend Grumpator. I do not play just for the joy of the game (though sometimes it happens), but I game to be with my friends.
I also might be smarting from having someone yell shut up at me. The gentleman apparently could not handle the words miscarriage and period. I was talking about my surgery and the circumstances around it. Unfortunately my uterus was the certain of that medical problem and I did not realize talking generally about blood and that area would garner that reaction. Okay, that is part of the problem. I am angry that I could not say “I thought I had a miscarriage but my gynecologist said it was just a rough period,” without some pansy yelling at me. People who have read my blogs know that I have given more details than that.
I love board gaming, but it is time to take a break from it.
No, it is because there is a certain mentality to those that have set groups that meet weekly. One, I'm usually coming into those groups solo and they know how everyone else plays. This gives them an advantage and I dislike losing. I am playing with a group now where I am constantly coming in last. I feel like I'm not good enough. I do not like that feeling but it is okay for me to learn some more humility. For example, the spread in the bean game was 16 for the winner and 12 for the lowest score. In Puerto Rico, the winner had 53 while the lowest score was 42. The problem was I have constantly been the lowest score. It did not bother me last week since I was out of it, but I do believe they may just be better than me.
Oh it hurts to type. It is just not that fun for me. It is like running track against people who are naturally better and training longer who are extremely serious about running. If I could run with them, maybe it would be more fun, but I want to run with the group laughing.
Second, these groups are all about the mechanics. No, when we play Bang as if we all are in the old west or on a Frontier world like Firefly. We are people with cards. I ask, "What does that card say?" "Oh I can shoot people from 3 spaces away," they would reply. "Okay I can see the symbols what does the very top say?" "Oh, it is a buffalo rife."
Imagine the fun that could be said with that! Protect yourselves because I'm hunting all of yaw and your buffalo. Or Oops I meant to shoot that buffalo and you were just too close. My bad. These are just two silly statements that could be said.
I get bored focusing on the mechanics. There is only so many ways a game can be played even an excellent game. You can play the game x, y, or z. If you start down the x path, then you want to do this. If y or z, then these paths. I did get grumpy with the groups last night because I can usually see those paths and I like being the best, but I have played cooperatively too long. It is not just about the paths anymore, but if I am trudging down the path, skipping with my friend, or doing cartwheels.
I do need to get over insecurities. In my running example above, I do not care if someone runs faster. This is where I am at genetically and how much I am willing to train. This is true in gaming as well. Others are smarter and are willing to play more often. I am feeling better just typing this blog.
I'm just agreeing with two of my friends who rather role play than play board games. I have so many more problems finding a group I can role play with. I like my board games to be role played more and I like my role playing groups to have end points. I can play a card or board game without role playing or being silly. I can also role play for sessions where the story line never gets finished. I just rather play differently.
Okay so this is what I have learned about myself. I should be playing one shots or short story arc role playing. I need to find one really flexible group who wants to board game and role play- doubtful. On the other hand, I could find a few groups who do different activities. I would love to find that group that is silly, social, and strategic or a group who would love Killer Bunnies. Then I would have another group that role playing with definite story arcs. Alas, I don't have the time to play as consistently as I would like to.
At this point, I have become like my friend Grumpator. I do not play just for the joy of the game (though sometimes it happens), but I game to be with my friends.
I also might be smarting from having someone yell shut up at me. The gentleman apparently could not handle the words miscarriage and period. I was talking about my surgery and the circumstances around it. Unfortunately my uterus was the certain of that medical problem and I did not realize talking generally about blood and that area would garner that reaction. Okay, that is part of the problem. I am angry that I could not say “I thought I had a miscarriage but my gynecologist said it was just a rough period,” without some pansy yelling at me. People who have read my blogs know that I have given more details than that.
I love board gaming, but it is time to take a break from it.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Completion of a cycle
My surgery is done. I’m no longer going to be dealing with that medical issue except the bills. I do not struggle with money but maybe that will be a new thing. My stepfather’s illness was resolved a couple of months ago though we are still dealing with his death.
A truly sad and turning point, Sam is dying. Sam, or my car, has major strut damage up front and some in the back. My stepbro is a mechanic and said something about the torque something is going bad. I’m going to get a new car. It hurts. I have only owned Sam and I’m not ready to let go. Also, a new car equals more debt.
My great roommate moved out at the end of June. I’m living with a new girl I meet from Craigslist. She is moving all her furniture in right now. My house has this sweet set up with three couches in a triangle. There is a TV breaking up the triangle because I wanted to play video games as I got better. The TV is going to storage soon. The triangle will soon be broken. My roommate has quite a bit of furniture so this means the house will need to be rearranged. It needs to anyway because we need to come to an arrangement that pleases both of us. People relax so much more in the environment if they have some say. It becomes their home.
I no longer have my job. They scheduled me for four hours next week. Umm, thanks. It is a good thing. I have applications for being a substitute to feel out but that would not start until August. I was going to milk the Hilton a bit longer but I will need a different second job. It is okay. I am too bitter. This will also give me the time to do the research on starting my own pet sitting business.
I have a date tomorrow with an online guy. I’m doing the modified four man plan again! I’m really just trying out my options. I am hoping to have a date with a different guy soon as well. I cut ties with the ex. We have no contact and it is a great thing.
I’m writing! I posted 9 blogs in June and hope to keep it around that number for July. I’m writing poetry and I might start working on my short stories. I’m also doing research on journals that I can send my poetry to.
I have a new gaming group.
I’m working another con. I know. I questioned the wisdom of working Phoenix Con but I am working Sabo an anime con. I am the vendor room manager. It seems like even more responsibility, but the contacts I make will be great! Also, I have all these con friends that I usually only see at cons so that is fun.
Apparently it is time for change. I’m glad. I was done with where I was at.
A truly sad and turning point, Sam is dying. Sam, or my car, has major strut damage up front and some in the back. My stepbro is a mechanic and said something about the torque something is going bad. I’m going to get a new car. It hurts. I have only owned Sam and I’m not ready to let go. Also, a new car equals more debt.
My great roommate moved out at the end of June. I’m living with a new girl I meet from Craigslist. She is moving all her furniture in right now. My house has this sweet set up with three couches in a triangle. There is a TV breaking up the triangle because I wanted to play video games as I got better. The TV is going to storage soon. The triangle will soon be broken. My roommate has quite a bit of furniture so this means the house will need to be rearranged. It needs to anyway because we need to come to an arrangement that pleases both of us. People relax so much more in the environment if they have some say. It becomes their home.
I no longer have my job. They scheduled me for four hours next week. Umm, thanks. It is a good thing. I have applications for being a substitute to feel out but that would not start until August. I was going to milk the Hilton a bit longer but I will need a different second job. It is okay. I am too bitter. This will also give me the time to do the research on starting my own pet sitting business.
I have a date tomorrow with an online guy. I’m doing the modified four man plan again! I’m really just trying out my options. I am hoping to have a date with a different guy soon as well. I cut ties with the ex. We have no contact and it is a great thing.
I’m writing! I posted 9 blogs in June and hope to keep it around that number for July. I’m writing poetry and I might start working on my short stories. I’m also doing research on journals that I can send my poetry to.
I have a new gaming group.
I’m working another con. I know. I questioned the wisdom of working Phoenix Con but I am working Sabo an anime con. I am the vendor room manager. It seems like even more responsibility, but the contacts I make will be great! Also, I have all these con friends that I usually only see at cons so that is fun.
Apparently it is time for change. I’m glad. I was done with where I was at.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Phoenix Comicon – Part 3 the slow appearance of my muse
Saturday started off surprisingly. My partner at Check In, Mari, got sick so I jumped in for her. I was disappointed because I missed the panels on steampunk. I had checked the gentlemen that were running the panel in the day before and they invited me to stop by. I enjoy steam punk. I read Girl Genius and Freak Angels (just started that web comic in the last week). The gentlemen also made jokes and seemed a lively bunch. They invited me to a steampunk convention in Tucson. I will not be able to attend that convention because of lack of funds.
My brother showed up again even though he was not the biggest fan of comic conventions. He came to hang out with me. He is such a sweetheart. (I accidentally wrote sweatheart. I need to figure out what that would be). He followed me around as I could not figure out what I wanted to do. I ran into some of my friends from The Gamer Society at ASU. We lost them for a while but ran into them again when Roy and I sat in a writing panel about fantastical creatures other than vampires and werewolves. Of course, vampires and werewolves were mentioned by the audience several times. I stared at the writers while aspiring to be like them.
The best thing happened! The day before, my brother and I wandered the convention trying to find a place that fit. The anime rooms were fun but not that interesting. The video game rooms were okay. We walked into the board gaming room. The energy or the vibe just fit. We strutted around the room peering at all the different games. We did not have time to play though. We walked across the hall to the drawing room and glanced in. People drew and colored quietly at desks. I felt like exploring so I strode into the room and stopped four paces in. This sense of horror came over me. I do not know why. The only sound was the slight scratching of pens and a mummer or two. My bro and I backed out.
“It is all perspective,” I told my brother. “We do not fit but an artist, let’s say Rachel, would be drawn to that room. Rachel would just end up in that room.” Now back to Saturday, the group of us had run into each other at the writing panel. Andrew, Jessica, and Rachel wanted to go to the exhibitor hall to buy books and talk to the writers. The writing panel was at an end of a hall so we all marched toward the lobby past the art room. Andrew asked “Where’s Rachel?” I looked back and saw Rachel suddenly veering into that room (think the scene from Dawn of the Dead where the zombie is chasing his wife and suddenly turns to eat the neighbor). We went back to collect her. We asked what happened. She said, “I saw the room and just came in.” She totally forgot her mission. I called it! That was the best thing.
Later in the day, my brother decided to go home. I hugged him and sat down to eat. I got called back to the convention center because the two other staff members at registration were not feeling well. It turned out great! I was technically in charge but another higher ranking member took control. This meant I got to go to Masquerade with Arthur. I also created my outfit for Geek Prom. I cut pieces from my gold sheath dress and made a wrist band. I was completely irresponsible and let the volunteers do it all the work. It was night so they registered like three people. I then ran over to the Geek Prom. Josh, a giant security gent, was my date. We hung out a bit awkwardly. I stared to dance and he later joined me. I later went to the Anime rave. I so adore techno music. The beat reeves me up. I play bass because I love rhythm. I thrill to techno music for the same reason. Josh joined me but looked decidedly uncomfortable standing in one spot so we left early. He walked me to my car and I went home.
On Sunday, I did not have to work! I went to writer panels and just thought about how I wanted to be up there. I want to write a book or stories, and then talk to people about my work and writing in general. Rachel and I wandered the exhibitor halls where I delved into her plans for the future. She was planning on going to graduate school and I tried to convince her not to. I told her the best thing was to get experience. I said we should talk to the artists here. Rachel was very uncomfortable with that so I became her translator! Okay, I engaged the conversation. It was easy. Artists have a common ground. I told her we would walk around until she saw art she liked. Rachel has a great eye. She chose a guy who is well known in the comic world. She then wanted to go talk to writers because they are charming. (That could be me one day.) We chatted up a dude until he suddenly dashed away. He was giving Felicia Day his book and getting something signed so I understand.
I went to Happy Hour with Wil Wheaton and John Scalzi (It is a panel not a bar time). I bought his book Android’s Dream the day before. Scalzi rocks. He is so creative. He also tells funny stories about bacon. Wil and John revealed the awesome Pegasus unicorn kitty picture – too funny. The day then ended with a group of us from TGS eating out. We talked about writing and creating. I found out Andrew and Rachel plan on starting a web comic. I hope they do because it sounds interesting.
Every comic con ends with me being inspired by writers. This lead to me doing my weekly blog so thanks to those writers.
My brother showed up again even though he was not the biggest fan of comic conventions. He came to hang out with me. He is such a sweetheart. (I accidentally wrote sweatheart. I need to figure out what that would be). He followed me around as I could not figure out what I wanted to do. I ran into some of my friends from The Gamer Society at ASU. We lost them for a while but ran into them again when Roy and I sat in a writing panel about fantastical creatures other than vampires and werewolves. Of course, vampires and werewolves were mentioned by the audience several times. I stared at the writers while aspiring to be like them.
The best thing happened! The day before, my brother and I wandered the convention trying to find a place that fit. The anime rooms were fun but not that interesting. The video game rooms were okay. We walked into the board gaming room. The energy or the vibe just fit. We strutted around the room peering at all the different games. We did not have time to play though. We walked across the hall to the drawing room and glanced in. People drew and colored quietly at desks. I felt like exploring so I strode into the room and stopped four paces in. This sense of horror came over me. I do not know why. The only sound was the slight scratching of pens and a mummer or two. My bro and I backed out.
“It is all perspective,” I told my brother. “We do not fit but an artist, let’s say Rachel, would be drawn to that room. Rachel would just end up in that room.” Now back to Saturday, the group of us had run into each other at the writing panel. Andrew, Jessica, and Rachel wanted to go to the exhibitor hall to buy books and talk to the writers. The writing panel was at an end of a hall so we all marched toward the lobby past the art room. Andrew asked “Where’s Rachel?” I looked back and saw Rachel suddenly veering into that room (think the scene from Dawn of the Dead where the zombie is chasing his wife and suddenly turns to eat the neighbor). We went back to collect her. We asked what happened. She said, “I saw the room and just came in.” She totally forgot her mission. I called it! That was the best thing.
Later in the day, my brother decided to go home. I hugged him and sat down to eat. I got called back to the convention center because the two other staff members at registration were not feeling well. It turned out great! I was technically in charge but another higher ranking member took control. This meant I got to go to Masquerade with Arthur. I also created my outfit for Geek Prom. I cut pieces from my gold sheath dress and made a wrist band. I was completely irresponsible and let the volunteers do it all the work. It was night so they registered like three people. I then ran over to the Geek Prom. Josh, a giant security gent, was my date. We hung out a bit awkwardly. I stared to dance and he later joined me. I later went to the Anime rave. I so adore techno music. The beat reeves me up. I play bass because I love rhythm. I thrill to techno music for the same reason. Josh joined me but looked decidedly uncomfortable standing in one spot so we left early. He walked me to my car and I went home.
On Sunday, I did not have to work! I went to writer panels and just thought about how I wanted to be up there. I want to write a book or stories, and then talk to people about my work and writing in general. Rachel and I wandered the exhibitor halls where I delved into her plans for the future. She was planning on going to graduate school and I tried to convince her not to. I told her the best thing was to get experience. I said we should talk to the artists here. Rachel was very uncomfortable with that so I became her translator! Okay, I engaged the conversation. It was easy. Artists have a common ground. I told her we would walk around until she saw art she liked. Rachel has a great eye. She chose a guy who is well known in the comic world. She then wanted to go talk to writers because they are charming. (That could be me one day.) We chatted up a dude until he suddenly dashed away. He was giving Felicia Day his book and getting something signed so I understand.
I went to Happy Hour with Wil Wheaton and John Scalzi (It is a panel not a bar time). I bought his book Android’s Dream the day before. Scalzi rocks. He is so creative. He also tells funny stories about bacon. Wil and John revealed the awesome Pegasus unicorn kitty picture – too funny. The day then ended with a group of us from TGS eating out. We talked about writing and creating. I found out Andrew and Rachel plan on starting a web comic. I hope they do because it sounds interesting.
Every comic con ends with me being inspired by writers. This lead to me doing my weekly blog so thanks to those writers.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Surgery
My mom drove me to the Piper Surgery Center a few days ago. The first nurse or technician did not warn me or my mother that pre-op was starting. I gave a urine sample, suddenly was told to take off my clothes, and then I was lying in a hospital bed all by myself. When I asked the woman the plan earlier, she said it would just be a moment and I would not need my books. I wish I had put up more resistance. I wish I had said "You will tell me what is going on and I will get my books which will more effectively distract me than TV (I did not watch TV)". The woman also got me to lay there by saying that my mother would be allowed in a moment.
I laid there. The tears started to leak out. I watched nurses walk by through the small opening in the curtain. My mother did not come and it had been like two minutes or forever in hospital terms. I spoke up. I got a nurse's attention and she told me my mother would not be let back until certain activities happened. I was displeased. The nurse walked away and I started to cry again. My nurse walked in a moment later. Renee always seemed to know. The moment I would cry she would check on me so I would then stifle it in. She asked questions and put the IV in. My mother showed up early. That lovely woman had just stood in front of the counter until they gave in. Stubbornness runs in the family.
The anesthesiologist was nice. My mother left at some point. I think it was when the anesthesiologist was putting the blue hair net on my head. Both the nurse and the anesthesiologist told me that my eyes matched the hair net and the gowns. Yes, I was still pretty while in a hospital bed. They turned the bed toward the door.
I then woke up from a dream to Linda smiling over me. I felt great. Linda assured me, "The surgery went great". It was that easy. My uterus was intact as well as my ovaries. Woot! Linda was sweet and chatted with me. I asked if I could walk. I also asked if I could have ice cream - several times. She told me that I could walk to my room but I decided to ride in the bed because when will I be able to do that again? I was so drugged up. The ride was so short in my memory but later I found out the recovery room was on a different floor.
I have spent my time recovering. My mother spent copious of time with me in the hospital which made me feel great. My aunt Shirley gave me pretty sunflowers and Carla also visited. Roy stayed with me till nine at night. That night was hard. I could not sleep so I read from like 1am to 5am. I got progressively grumpier. My eyes turned into dark pits. I came home and became happy. I slept, petted my cats, checked facebook, petted my cats, slept, and played video games.
I will make some quick points. Pre-op sucked (otherwise known as the night before, Dun Dun Dunh). I drank a laxative. I also gave myself an enema and douche. Blahh. That sucked. It sucked going to CVS and buying supplies. I have now experienced these activities and hope never to do it again. I also know I do not have AIDS or Hep C. I did two other things before the operation. I had acupuncture. He recommended I do some polarity. I did it with a new person and I still have trouble describing it. Some of you would call it hippy medicine. During it, I was unsure but it helped my surgery immensely. If you have surgery, do it. I have a guy.
I also know my blood type. It is O negative just like my father and brother. This knowledge is part of the debt I went into to get this fibroid out. I owe so much money! A shallow point, my stomach is flatter so I paid thousands to be skinner. That is fine. My mom is my financial support. I'm feeling better than I have a long time.
I laid there. The tears started to leak out. I watched nurses walk by through the small opening in the curtain. My mother did not come and it had been like two minutes or forever in hospital terms. I spoke up. I got a nurse's attention and she told me my mother would not be let back until certain activities happened. I was displeased. The nurse walked away and I started to cry again. My nurse walked in a moment later. Renee always seemed to know. The moment I would cry she would check on me so I would then stifle it in. She asked questions and put the IV in. My mother showed up early. That lovely woman had just stood in front of the counter until they gave in. Stubbornness runs in the family.
The anesthesiologist was nice. My mother left at some point. I think it was when the anesthesiologist was putting the blue hair net on my head. Both the nurse and the anesthesiologist told me that my eyes matched the hair net and the gowns. Yes, I was still pretty while in a hospital bed. They turned the bed toward the door.
I then woke up from a dream to Linda smiling over me. I felt great. Linda assured me, "The surgery went great". It was that easy. My uterus was intact as well as my ovaries. Woot! Linda was sweet and chatted with me. I asked if I could walk. I also asked if I could have ice cream - several times. She told me that I could walk to my room but I decided to ride in the bed because when will I be able to do that again? I was so drugged up. The ride was so short in my memory but later I found out the recovery room was on a different floor.
I have spent my time recovering. My mother spent copious of time with me in the hospital which made me feel great. My aunt Shirley gave me pretty sunflowers and Carla also visited. Roy stayed with me till nine at night. That night was hard. I could not sleep so I read from like 1am to 5am. I got progressively grumpier. My eyes turned into dark pits. I came home and became happy. I slept, petted my cats, checked facebook, petted my cats, slept, and played video games.
I will make some quick points. Pre-op sucked (otherwise known as the night before, Dun Dun Dunh). I drank a laxative. I also gave myself an enema and douche. Blahh. That sucked. It sucked going to CVS and buying supplies. I have now experienced these activities and hope never to do it again. I also know I do not have AIDS or Hep C. I did two other things before the operation. I had acupuncture. He recommended I do some polarity. I did it with a new person and I still have trouble describing it. Some of you would call it hippy medicine. During it, I was unsure but it helped my surgery immensely. If you have surgery, do it. I have a guy.
I also know my blood type. It is O negative just like my father and brother. This knowledge is part of the debt I went into to get this fibroid out. I owe so much money! A shallow point, my stomach is flatter so I paid thousands to be skinner. That is fine. My mom is my financial support. I'm feeling better than I have a long time.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Culmination
My fibroid surgery is tomorrow. For the past few weeks, I have been scared and then excited. I then worried about money and back to excited. My emotions have been going around and around. Last night, a co-worker asked, “Why do you need the surgery? Couldn’t you live with it?”
I asked myself that question several times over the past 10 months. I know I could live with it because I have been. That question leads a different one. Do I want children? I don’t know anymore. I have said yes many times in the past. I do not know now. I want the option of children.
Why have the surgery now?
At this very moment, I am exhausted. My period started yesterday and I have been bleeding heavily since. Before my chemical menopause, I would bleed for two weeks and so much. It sucked. I could put on a new pad, ride my bike for 15 minutes, and suddenly I had bleed through my pad and my jeans. My energy drained out of me as the blood did.
I am going into debt for the first time in my life. I have visions of me bleeding out on the table or having other risks from the surgery. I did my research and chose a great surgeon. I have time and support now. My family is amazing. I am tired of waiting.
I feel like I am making this surgery too big of a deal. That’s okay. I have learned and next medical dilemma or life crisis, I will know how to roll with it better. Tomorrow, my fibroid comes out. Today, I am chugging magnesium citrate (a laxative for the big day). When I feel better, I am going out dancing. I will figure out this whole traveling thing and I will flirt like no other.
P.S. The Phoenix Comicon series is almost complete and I will have the last one up by the end of the week.
Peace Yo
I asked myself that question several times over the past 10 months. I know I could live with it because I have been. That question leads a different one. Do I want children? I don’t know anymore. I have said yes many times in the past. I do not know now. I want the option of children.
Why have the surgery now?
At this very moment, I am exhausted. My period started yesterday and I have been bleeding heavily since. Before my chemical menopause, I would bleed for two weeks and so much. It sucked. I could put on a new pad, ride my bike for 15 minutes, and suddenly I had bleed through my pad and my jeans. My energy drained out of me as the blood did.
I am going into debt for the first time in my life. I have visions of me bleeding out on the table or having other risks from the surgery. I did my research and chose a great surgeon. I have time and support now. My family is amazing. I am tired of waiting.
I feel like I am making this surgery too big of a deal. That’s okay. I have learned and next medical dilemma or life crisis, I will know how to roll with it better. Tomorrow, my fibroid comes out. Today, I am chugging magnesium citrate (a laxative for the big day). When I feel better, I am going out dancing. I will figure out this whole traveling thing and I will flirt like no other.
P.S. The Phoenix Comicon series is almost complete and I will have the last one up by the end of the week.
Peace Yo
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Phoenix Comicon - Part Two the Fun Attack
I also played at Comicon! On Wednesday or set up day, I went out to eat with a group of staff members at Alice Cooperstown. Two women shared the giant hot dog and yes, immature jokes were made. I asked a gent to Geek Prom with me because I was asking everyone. He said no at first. I have no memory of what I did Thursday night. That is the preview night. Most professionals, staff, and volunteer check in that day so I had a blast hurriedly handing out badges. I do remember that gent saying that he was taking me to Greek Prom. Twenty minutes later, he told me he had bought the tickets and then he kept on walking. I glanced in his direction. Was this a date? I was not sure but had to get back to my station.
My bro Roy showed up on Friday. He was such a trooper. He got one of my free passes but I roped him into helping me with Check In Will Call. We got some free time and rushed over to see the panel about Space. It was only about our solar system. It was so boring and yet it brought up my old yearning. Space remains a viable way of living the books and stories I read when young. My ultimate dream is space. I’m not sure what my role will be but I will be involved in one way or another.
After the lecture on space, my brother and I wander through the exhibition hall. We went back to my station. When I had to leave, he ran it all by himself for a bit and he became a volunteer. It was not the most official route but it made no real difference since he was getting a free badge anyway.
My friend Rebecca had got the other pass and showed up that day as well. My brother and I wanted to see the panel about being a voice actor in video games. Okay, truthfully, I wanted to see it and my brother wanted to hang out with me because he is amazing. Rebecca showed up with a friend and said they would meet up with us in Wil Wheaton’s Awesome Hour. It was right by my station so I went and listened. You know what I found out? Wil Wheaton is pretty dang awesome. It did not matter. Roy and I had a mission. We made it to the voice actor panel! It was rather boring. We decided back to Wil Wheaton! It was a great decision.
Later, Roy and I headed over to the Hyatt to eat at the staff lounge. Right in front, zombies were gathering. The zombie walk was in an hour. The best part was that people had dressed up as the Phoenix ambassadors (people wearing the orange shirts and helpfully tell you what is going on in downtown Phoenix) who had been attacked and turned into zombies. I turned grumpy and sullen so my brother said I needed to eat. We saw people gaming on the second floor so of course we had to stop. We had gamed with them before so we started a game of Bang!
We almost missed the walk! We stopped halfway through the game and dashed down the stairs. We saw people milling but the zombies had walked on. We ran across the street and through a building, and saw the lights from the Blockbuster vehicle. Behind that car, a group of snarling and screaming zombies jumped on some people. Oh hell, that situation felt real.
Would I just stand there and think it was a funny act if a real zombie attack happened? I hope not.
I took a step back because I did not want to be jumped. It was all okay. It was really just people dressed up as zombies having fun. The start of the walk was a bit terrifying. Near the end, Raccoon police surrounded two female zombies. Each zombie had a stick attached to their neck so the police could lead them on with out getting bit. The zombie females’ bosoms heaved out of their ripped T-shirts as they stalked toward prey. Then they were pulled back by the Raccoon police (get the Resident evil reference?).
The people dressed up as Phoenix ambassadors were really Phoenix ambassadors! Those badasses dressed up for the event. Amazing folk. People stared stunned and confused from bars and restaurants as zombies milled about or screamingly reached through bars toward the living. One of the Phoenix ambassadors stared into a restaurant like it was a buffet. She just stood there and stared. Then she snarled and leaned closer to the glass. A kid inside screamed and ran. We all laughed. It was a bit mean but also a lot hilarious.
I ended the night by checking on my people. Roy and I covered someone so they could take a break. Rebecca stopped by and gave back her pass. She felt sick and was not staying for Wil Wheaton’s Rock band (that guy is seriously cool). At first, my mood soured from disappointment but then my brother pointed out something obvious. “You are exhausted. Go home.” I did.
My bro Roy showed up on Friday. He was such a trooper. He got one of my free passes but I roped him into helping me with Check In Will Call. We got some free time and rushed over to see the panel about Space. It was only about our solar system. It was so boring and yet it brought up my old yearning. Space remains a viable way of living the books and stories I read when young. My ultimate dream is space. I’m not sure what my role will be but I will be involved in one way or another.
After the lecture on space, my brother and I wander through the exhibition hall. We went back to my station. When I had to leave, he ran it all by himself for a bit and he became a volunteer. It was not the most official route but it made no real difference since he was getting a free badge anyway.
My friend Rebecca had got the other pass and showed up that day as well. My brother and I wanted to see the panel about being a voice actor in video games. Okay, truthfully, I wanted to see it and my brother wanted to hang out with me because he is amazing. Rebecca showed up with a friend and said they would meet up with us in Wil Wheaton’s Awesome Hour. It was right by my station so I went and listened. You know what I found out? Wil Wheaton is pretty dang awesome. It did not matter. Roy and I had a mission. We made it to the voice actor panel! It was rather boring. We decided back to Wil Wheaton! It was a great decision.
Later, Roy and I headed over to the Hyatt to eat at the staff lounge. Right in front, zombies were gathering. The zombie walk was in an hour. The best part was that people had dressed up as the Phoenix ambassadors (people wearing the orange shirts and helpfully tell you what is going on in downtown Phoenix) who had been attacked and turned into zombies. I turned grumpy and sullen so my brother said I needed to eat. We saw people gaming on the second floor so of course we had to stop. We had gamed with them before so we started a game of Bang!
We almost missed the walk! We stopped halfway through the game and dashed down the stairs. We saw people milling but the zombies had walked on. We ran across the street and through a building, and saw the lights from the Blockbuster vehicle. Behind that car, a group of snarling and screaming zombies jumped on some people. Oh hell, that situation felt real.
Would I just stand there and think it was a funny act if a real zombie attack happened? I hope not.
I took a step back because I did not want to be jumped. It was all okay. It was really just people dressed up as zombies having fun. The start of the walk was a bit terrifying. Near the end, Raccoon police surrounded two female zombies. Each zombie had a stick attached to their neck so the police could lead them on with out getting bit. The zombie females’ bosoms heaved out of their ripped T-shirts as they stalked toward prey. Then they were pulled back by the Raccoon police (get the Resident evil reference?).
The people dressed up as Phoenix ambassadors were really Phoenix ambassadors! Those badasses dressed up for the event. Amazing folk. People stared stunned and confused from bars and restaurants as zombies milled about or screamingly reached through bars toward the living. One of the Phoenix ambassadors stared into a restaurant like it was a buffet. She just stood there and stared. Then she snarled and leaned closer to the glass. A kid inside screamed and ran. We all laughed. It was a bit mean but also a lot hilarious.
I ended the night by checking on my people. Roy and I covered someone so they could take a break. Rebecca stopped by and gave back her pass. She felt sick and was not staying for Wil Wheaton’s Rock band (that guy is seriously cool). At first, my mood soured from disappointment but then my brother pointed out something obvious. “You are exhausted. Go home.” I did.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Phoenix Comicon - All work
I worked Comicon this year as a staff member. Last year, I was a lowly volunteer. I’m kidding about the lowly because volunteers are so important. This is something I knew, but I truly learned their importance this year. I enjoy comic conventions, but not enough to pay for with money. I pay with time. Last year, I got bored during con so decided I could increase my responsibility.
I went to staff meetings beforehand. There was good food and I met new people. I sent tedious emails. I also responded to emails and voicemails. It was fun. Okay, the tedious emails were boring, but using my brain differently than serving was good. I took five days off from my serving job to work con but really, I look for reasons to take off from work.
The reasons I go to comic conventions –
Look at costumes
Look at celebrities (only look at. I walk by, get a bit giddy, and walk on.)
Talk to people I only see at conventions but I love them, so great times
Hang out with my friends
Listen to panels about writing and voice acting
Talk to writers
Stare at writers during panels and think “that is what I want to do”
I’m starting to self identify as a writer so next year I might pay and not be involved with the running of the convention at all. This is because I do not go to conventions to check people in the whole time at Check In Will Call for professionals, staff, volunteers, and media. When it was crazy on Thursday afternoon, I was excited. I love having nonstop issues and people to deal with. I am not the person you go to when it is slow. I also saw so many people I knew from other places like two attractive co-workers from my time at Bookman’s. I wished I had time to flirt with them more.
I was scheduled for 12 hours to work on Saturday. Uh, No. I negotiated not working that many hours at con, but I’m highly competent and manage my health including stress levels very well. This means that when people start to get sick or stressed out, I was called. I started to get annoyed. I trained so many volunteers to do my position. I have an eye and sense on who can be trusted and can think. Once I got my position covered, I would be asked to step in for a second elsewhere. It was never a second.
If this blog was written right after con, I would have told everyone that I was never working this convention again. I am unsure now. I do not want to work registration. I have the skills to do that job and I desire to learn new skills. I’m volunteering my time so I can expand my knowledge. I still enjoyed con. My brother is simply amazing. We attended many panels together and walked with the zombies. Phoenix Comicon - Part Two the Fun Attack will be coming soon to a screen near you.
I went to staff meetings beforehand. There was good food and I met new people. I sent tedious emails. I also responded to emails and voicemails. It was fun. Okay, the tedious emails were boring, but using my brain differently than serving was good. I took five days off from my serving job to work con but really, I look for reasons to take off from work.
The reasons I go to comic conventions –
Look at costumes
Look at celebrities (only look at. I walk by, get a bit giddy, and walk on.)
Talk to people I only see at conventions but I love them, so great times
Hang out with my friends
Listen to panels about writing and voice acting
Talk to writers
Stare at writers during panels and think “that is what I want to do”
I’m starting to self identify as a writer so next year I might pay and not be involved with the running of the convention at all. This is because I do not go to conventions to check people in the whole time at Check In Will Call for professionals, staff, volunteers, and media. When it was crazy on Thursday afternoon, I was excited. I love having nonstop issues and people to deal with. I am not the person you go to when it is slow. I also saw so many people I knew from other places like two attractive co-workers from my time at Bookman’s. I wished I had time to flirt with them more.
I was scheduled for 12 hours to work on Saturday. Uh, No. I negotiated not working that many hours at con, but I’m highly competent and manage my health including stress levels very well. This means that when people start to get sick or stressed out, I was called. I started to get annoyed. I trained so many volunteers to do my position. I have an eye and sense on who can be trusted and can think. Once I got my position covered, I would be asked to step in for a second elsewhere. It was never a second.
If this blog was written right after con, I would have told everyone that I was never working this convention again. I am unsure now. I do not want to work registration. I have the skills to do that job and I desire to learn new skills. I’m volunteering my time so I can expand my knowledge. I still enjoyed con. My brother is simply amazing. We attended many panels together and walked with the zombies. Phoenix Comicon - Part Two the Fun Attack will be coming soon to a screen near you.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Catch up
Holy crap, I keep telling myself to breathe. My pre-op meeting for my surgery was today and I talked to their accounting person. There is a whole lot of not so fun things. I get to pay for and give myself an enema and douche the night before surgery. I also will probably owe about ten grand after the surgery. That is after insurance discounts and them paying 1000 of it. My plans for traveling will not be happening anytime soon. I just deeply sighed and almost cried.
I keep trying to tell myself that ten thousand is not that much. I have never bought a car or had to pay for my education with money (I paid more with time - studying and working for the University). Kids are expensive. It is starting now that is all.
I just do not want to feel stuck anymore. I stayed at my job when I should not have and I no longer want to be in Arizona. I want to experience a new place, but I will take this time to heal and grow. I will write and try to get published. I will try to figure out ways to earn money like actually starting the pet sitting job and becoming a substitute.
I'm also going into poor mood. I can no longer afford to eat out or pay for most things. I will go to the park and play. I won't go to the theater, but I will chip in for a rented movie. I will also go back to pretending I do not have a car. I will buy a bus pass and ride my bike which will make me think twice about going certain places. I will still play Powerball once a week or every other week because I can afford ten dollars a month to dream. Oh yeah, couponing here I come!
I keep trying to tell myself that ten thousand is not that much. I have never bought a car or had to pay for my education with money (I paid more with time - studying and working for the University). Kids are expensive. It is starting now that is all.
I just do not want to feel stuck anymore. I stayed at my job when I should not have and I no longer want to be in Arizona. I want to experience a new place, but I will take this time to heal and grow. I will write and try to get published. I will try to figure out ways to earn money like actually starting the pet sitting job and becoming a substitute.
I'm also going into poor mood. I can no longer afford to eat out or pay for most things. I will go to the park and play. I won't go to the theater, but I will chip in for a rented movie. I will also go back to pretending I do not have a car. I will buy a bus pass and ride my bike which will make me think twice about going certain places. I will still play Powerball once a week or every other week because I can afford ten dollars a month to dream. Oh yeah, couponing here I come!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Change
I wrote a blog today about the Phoenix Comicon. There is so much to say that it will be a two part blog. It is about a page long but it needs revision which has not been done yet. I noticed it was after midnight so decided to post a small blog.
I am restless. I basically had Monday off but I had acupuncture and a work meeting that day. Today, there were no plans. The day stretched empty. I killed and got killed many times play Freelancer. I booked a flight for my Grandmother on my dad's side to visit for Thanksgiving. I also cleaned my room. I did not just pick the dirty clothes off the floor. I also organized.
Over the past week, I moved my bookcase over four feet. I pushed my bed to the wall and put my nightstand on the other side of my bed. There was a whole so I moved my dresser across the room. When I moved my bookcase, the books had to come off. When I put them back up, I organized and got rid of books (got a sackbut if anyone is interested). With my dresser, I changed the costume drawer into a costume bin thus freeing a drawer. I went through all my clothes, got rid of some, and actually had room to put all my clothes away. The file cabinet came out of the closet and the bins that formerly were in the middle of the floor took its place. I organized the file cabinet as well. I almost have all my papers off the floor. I also went grocery shopping and cleaned my kitchen.
Tomorrow should be more productive. I might finish picking up the floor. I have to help a friend move because she has helped me like four times in the past. Unfortunately for her, she owned a truck. My brother owns a truck now! I know who is helping me out in the future. I digress. I will also get fingerprinted so I can be a sub and volunteer at the Boys and Girl club. I will also be meeting up with someone off Craigslist as a potential roommate. Couch surfers come in on Friday though I work on that day. Work is being weird, not in a bad way, which is what makes it weirder.
Okay, this blog might not have been shorter but it was a whole lot more mundane.
Ciao
I am restless. I basically had Monday off but I had acupuncture and a work meeting that day. Today, there were no plans. The day stretched empty. I killed and got killed many times play Freelancer. I booked a flight for my Grandmother on my dad's side to visit for Thanksgiving. I also cleaned my room. I did not just pick the dirty clothes off the floor. I also organized.
Over the past week, I moved my bookcase over four feet. I pushed my bed to the wall and put my nightstand on the other side of my bed. There was a whole so I moved my dresser across the room. When I moved my bookcase, the books had to come off. When I put them back up, I organized and got rid of books (got a sackbut if anyone is interested). With my dresser, I changed the costume drawer into a costume bin thus freeing a drawer. I went through all my clothes, got rid of some, and actually had room to put all my clothes away. The file cabinet came out of the closet and the bins that formerly were in the middle of the floor took its place. I organized the file cabinet as well. I almost have all my papers off the floor. I also went grocery shopping and cleaned my kitchen.
Tomorrow should be more productive. I might finish picking up the floor. I have to help a friend move because she has helped me like four times in the past. Unfortunately for her, she owned a truck. My brother owns a truck now! I know who is helping me out in the future. I digress. I will also get fingerprinted so I can be a sub and volunteer at the Boys and Girl club. I will also be meeting up with someone off Craigslist as a potential roommate. Couch surfers come in on Friday though I work on that day. Work is being weird, not in a bad way, which is what makes it weirder.
Okay, this blog might not have been shorter but it was a whole lot more mundane.
Ciao
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Cranky
My computer has been overheating so my bro and I bought a cpu heat sink/fan combo. I had done research on different ones on newegg. Zalman came highly recommended and Fry's electronics had three options. I wanted the cheapest and smallest (but still good quality). My bro wanted a bit more expensive. I was unsure if the biggest one would fit but then we bought it.
First problem, the heat sink had a four pin connector and I only had three pins. Roy felt guilty. It was late. He went home and did research. It was not a problem. Yes! It just means it will always been on. Whatever. I went to install it. The bitch nut piece of equipment will not go in. I put the thermal paste on the cpu and heat sink. I then got one side of the piece of metal on the lug of my motherboard. I cannot get it on the other side.
I called my bro and grouched at him because I felt incompetent. He told me he can come over. No! I wanted to do it. Also, he lives far away and it would make me feel guilty. He said to take a break and try again. He will come over after dinner. At this point, I have only put small slices in the bottom of my right palm.
I do not take a break. I tried again. I tried with my roommate's help. I tried with pliers. I tried with a screwdriver since my bro recommended that. Whoops, it slipped. Oww! My pointer finger on my right hand looks like I decided to try to slice into deli meat. Dammit. Dammit. I flung a heavy object at my couch. I then examined the heat sink. Yep, there are pieces of my skin stuck to it. I called and bitched my brother out.
Roy came over before dinner and got it on the eighth try. I was not happy. I was cranky.
Second problem, yes, it is too big for my computer. We took off the side fan and now there is a hole into my case but the cpu heat sink fits. I apologized later that night and the next day about my behavior. My computer is fixed. Thank you Roy for loving me even when I get way to angry about the small stuff.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Couchsurfers
I surfed one couch in Ecuador and it was an adventure. A girl gave me earnings and then I was shuttled all around when I was sick. Later there was a taxi accident, dancing at a bar, and the police pulling us over. I traveled with another couchsurfer and she rocked. I was leery of couch surfing while in South America, and it never happened again. I have wanted to host couch surfers for a while. There were a few obstacles in my way. One, I kept forgetting. Two, my last roommate did not want strangers over.
Well, it is summer. It is the time of the couchsurfer. I recently got back on, updated my account, and suddenly they seem to be everywhere. I have hosted two really cool chicks! Meg and Heath stopped by for two days. They shared their stories of traveling the states and working on organic farms. My traveling part stirred and keeps telling me that I should be traveling sooner rather than later.
I would have liked to have spent more time with Heath and Meg, but I had work and then work drama that I posted about previously. We all played Quelf the first night. I have two female roommates right now so it was five women playing a silly party game. The next night we ate a great meal made my roommate. There was horseradish on spaghetti squash - two firsts for me. My roommate also invited a random gentleman from the sidewalk who had been looking for someone, but instead he ate dinner with us and just chilled. He read interesting poetry but I did not want to hang out with a random dude. I went to bed. The next day I spent a few hours on my couch just chatting with the two girls. There are more couchsurfers coming at the end of the month.
P.S. My brother and I will be repairing my computer tomorrow night. I will blog about the Phoenix Comicon at the next update. Many events happened and I need time to blog about it all.
Well, it is summer. It is the time of the couchsurfer. I recently got back on, updated my account, and suddenly they seem to be everywhere. I have hosted two really cool chicks! Meg and Heath stopped by for two days. They shared their stories of traveling the states and working on organic farms. My traveling part stirred and keeps telling me that I should be traveling sooner rather than later.
I would have liked to have spent more time with Heath and Meg, but I had work and then work drama that I posted about previously. We all played Quelf the first night. I have two female roommates right now so it was five women playing a silly party game. The next night we ate a great meal made my roommate. There was horseradish on spaghetti squash - two firsts for me. My roommate also invited a random gentleman from the sidewalk who had been looking for someone, but instead he ate dinner with us and just chilled. He read interesting poetry but I did not want to hang out with a random dude. I went to bed. The next day I spent a few hours on my couch just chatting with the two girls. There are more couchsurfers coming at the end of the month.
P.S. My brother and I will be repairing my computer tomorrow night. I will blog about the Phoenix Comicon at the next update. Many events happened and I need time to blog about it all.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Time of C
Grumpator has a theme every month and I am copying her this month. My blog's themes will center around words that start with c and the blogs will also contain c words whenever possible. If I cannot cram all the blogs into this month, I will continue until the theme is complete.
For example, my last blog was about my computer. It is overheating (internal temperature was at 70 degrees Celsius) which is why this update is late. My brother and I will be working on fixing it by buying new fans and a new CPU heat sink and fan combo. Once my computer is back to working order, updates will be timely and computer gaming will commence.
A not so quick mention, my crappy job is not paying me enough money to pay my bills. I believe I will be alright until my surgery on June 29th. I'm looking harder for a second job but not that hard. You may ask, "Why is your job so crappy?" Well, the other day, I got pulled into a meeting with two of my bosses because a customer wrote a negative comment. I asked to read it but was not allowed to. My boss read the comment and specifically used my name. They reamed me out and said if I do anything wrong in the future I was fired. I cried and was depressed that my surgery at the end of the month was not going to happen.
I went home and found the survey online, no where was my name mentioned. It did not seem like it was me in the survey. I had talked to the woman about Loveland for like five minutes. I talked to another girl, Dani at the Starbucks the next day and she said she remembered the woman. The woman had not liked another girl's service and Dani had been present. She even warned the FnB manager that a bad comment was on its way. They apparently did not remember. A email was sent out and confirmation came back that it was not me.
I was almost fired for the actions of another and my management tried to do that before they even got all the facts. I was naive before, but now I know they really do not want me there. I talked to both the manager and director. Neither apologized or said anything to the fact that they should not have done what they did. Oh well.
I posted this blog yesterday but forgot the Wil Wheaton maxim of "Don't be a dick." I wrote adjectives I should not have but my brother reminded me of the nature of the internet so I pulled the blog quickly. I doubt my blogs will ever be as well read as Wil Wheaton or John Scalzi , but I am glad that I was relearned this lesson now. By and by, I read Wil's blog now and plan to start on Scalzi's soon. They use their names and I should as well. My objectives have changed and I want this blog to be more public. Also, if I use my name, I will be more cognizant of the fact that my life outside of the internet is attached to this blog.
P.S. - I'm so excited that I linked Wheaton's and Scalzi's blogs. I read some of Scalzi and I can feel a fan love starting to grow. His Android's Dream has so many creative ideas and was a fun read.
For example, my last blog was about my computer. It is overheating (internal temperature was at 70 degrees Celsius) which is why this update is late. My brother and I will be working on fixing it by buying new fans and a new CPU heat sink and fan combo. Once my computer is back to working order, updates will be timely and computer gaming will commence.
A not so quick mention, my crappy job is not paying me enough money to pay my bills. I believe I will be alright until my surgery on June 29th. I'm looking harder for a second job but not that hard. You may ask, "Why is your job so crappy?" Well, the other day, I got pulled into a meeting with two of my bosses because a customer wrote a negative comment. I asked to read it but was not allowed to. My boss read the comment and specifically used my name. They reamed me out and said if I do anything wrong in the future I was fired. I cried and was depressed that my surgery at the end of the month was not going to happen.
I went home and found the survey online, no where was my name mentioned. It did not seem like it was me in the survey. I had talked to the woman about Loveland for like five minutes. I talked to another girl, Dani at the Starbucks the next day and she said she remembered the woman. The woman had not liked another girl's service and Dani had been present. She even warned the FnB manager that a bad comment was on its way. They apparently did not remember. A email was sent out and confirmation came back that it was not me.
I was almost fired for the actions of another and my management tried to do that before they even got all the facts. I was naive before, but now I know they really do not want me there. I talked to both the manager and director. Neither apologized or said anything to the fact that they should not have done what they did. Oh well.
I posted this blog yesterday but forgot the Wil Wheaton maxim of "Don't be a dick." I wrote adjectives I should not have but my brother reminded me of the nature of the internet so I pulled the blog quickly. I doubt my blogs will ever be as well read as Wil Wheaton or John Scalzi , but I am glad that I was relearned this lesson now. By and by, I read Wil's blog now and plan to start on Scalzi's soon. They use their names and I should as well. My objectives have changed and I want this blog to be more public. Also, if I use my name, I will be more cognizant of the fact that my life outside of the internet is attached to this blog.
P.S. - I'm so excited that I linked Wheaton's and Scalzi's blogs. I read some of Scalzi and I can feel a fan love starting to grow. His Android's Dream has so many creative ideas and was a fun read.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Hint Hint
My computer keeps shutting down when I am play the video game Freelancer. At the time, I am usually thinking, "Go do something else. Be productive" and then bam the computer shuts down. So my computer is saying:
Go write.. like in a blog where you are going to definitely have updates every Thursday even if they are filler ones of poems that you like.
or
Dear gods! Fix me. It is too hot in here! Ahhhhhh... all is going dark.
Go write.. like in a blog where you are going to definitely have updates every Thursday even if they are filler ones of poems that you like.
or
Dear gods! Fix me. It is too hot in here! Ahhhhhh... all is going dark.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Life in Stasis
It is the middle of Phoenix Comicon and my hands tremble as I write this blog. A lovely volunteer pointed out that I have bags under my eyes. I'm very tired. I got 6 hours two nights ago and 5 last night. I feel like I have not been to work in forever because it has been all about the convention the last three days. My brother asked to play games next week but I can't think that far in the future. It is about now.
I have felt that way for the past few months with my fibroid. I could not plan my future. Well, here is a quick update. I found a surgeon who says she can remove my fibroid laparoscopically and we are going to do that June 29th. As I wrote that sentence, I remember how I inquired about dangers of bleeding out on the table and her assuring me she is going to use Vasopressin or some drug with a similar spelling to constrict my blood vessels. Then a flash of vision, I am on a steel table unconscious - no control. I froze from the fear. I am scared.
I am also giddy because I can plan my future. I daydream about the places I will travel. I'm excited and slightly dread filled with the idea of finding a new job, but so relived to be moving on.
The theme of my life right now - moving on! I also want a successful blog so I will start reading Wil Wheaton's (fun speaker!) blog and maybe Felicia Day's. I will post about my adventures at Comicon, but here are some last words by Wil Wheaton:
"Don't be a dick."
I have felt that way for the past few months with my fibroid. I could not plan my future. Well, here is a quick update. I found a surgeon who says she can remove my fibroid laparoscopically and we are going to do that June 29th. As I wrote that sentence, I remember how I inquired about dangers of bleeding out on the table and her assuring me she is going to use Vasopressin or some drug with a similar spelling to constrict my blood vessels. Then a flash of vision, I am on a steel table unconscious - no control. I froze from the fear. I am scared.
I am also giddy because I can plan my future. I daydream about the places I will travel. I'm excited and slightly dread filled with the idea of finding a new job, but so relived to be moving on.
The theme of my life right now - moving on! I also want a successful blog so I will start reading Wil Wheaton's (fun speaker!) blog and maybe Felicia Day's. I will post about my adventures at Comicon, but here are some last words by Wil Wheaton:
"Don't be a dick."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My fibroid
My fibroid is 7cm by 6cm by 5cm.
I apparently told very few people about my update three months ago which makes the numbers in above sentence not mean a lot. My fibroid was originally 10cm or the size of a navel orange when it was found. I measured an orange the other day and it is huge when put by my stomach. It could have been larger like a grapefruit but still orange is pretty dang big.
Three months ago my fibroid shrank to 7cms. “Cool,” I thought at that time. It shrank by 30 percent which is pretty standard. I had discussed with Dr. Villa at my three month appointment that I did not want to take hormones for six months because of the risk of bone loss. He assured me that usually fibroids shrink more in the 4-6 month range "in his experience." That was a bit odd. All the literature I found on it said that a 35% drop is the standard and the shrinkage peaks at three months.
No surprise to anyone who read the first sentence, my fibroid did not shrink in the past 3 months (or the 4-6 month range). Well, actually it did a tiny bit. It was 7cm by 6cm by 6cm. Therefore, my fibroid shrunk by 1 cm in one dimension.
Anyway, 6 months ago my fibroid looked like a navel orange and now more like a plum. I had those two fruits in my kitchen and examined them to an online ruler. The plum had a diameter about 7cm and the navel orange had a diameter of about 10cm, and yet a plum is quite smaller than a navel orange. The diameter of my fibroid went from 10cm to 7 cm which is a 30 percent drop. I then got white and nerdy. The formula for volume for a sphere is V=4/3*pi*r^3 (not crazy nerdy since I have not done the formula for an irregular sphere). My fibroid originally had a volume of approximately 520cm^3. It is now around 180cm^3 (if 7 is used as the diameter). 180 is only about 35% of 520 so my fibroid went down 65%! I may have done my math wrong but it all makes sense when I compare an orange to a plum.
After the ultrasound, I sat there. It did not shrink. What do I do?
I want surgery because with current technology or medical knowledge fibroids are not an easy fix. They shrink when there is no estrogen so after menopause or during a chemically induced menopause. I do not want surgery, but I do not want to wait 20 years to get menopause which would not help anyway if I wanted to get pregnant. I do want to get pregnant…one day. Also, I want the fibroid out. I do not want to work my job anymore just for the insurance. Hmmmm, as I sat there I thought I will see what Dr. Villa recommends.
Villa looked at the numbers and then asked me what I wanted to do. No recommendations. I tell him I will not stay on hormones and do want to do more research. That seemed to be all he needed. He then shifted his weight in preparation to stand. "Wait!" I told him, "This is part of the research."
He told me three months ago that he would feel comfortable doing the surgery when the fibroid was less than 5cm. I reiterated that. He waved his hand dismissively and said the surgery would be fine to do. What? I wonder to myself why it had changed. I asked if the surgery could be done laparoscopically also known as minimally invasive surgery. Oh no, he assured me because my fibroid is too large. I did research the night before and they defined big as larger than 10cm. I started feeling pretty sure that this surgery will not happen with Dr. Villa but I want to make sure. I asked how many surgeries or myomectomies he does monthly. "Monthly?" He repeated the question, never a good sign. He started to explain how he does not do them on a monthly basis so I asked when the last time he did one was. He responded "Two months ago. They are not done that often." I asked why not. Apparently it is because when a woman is in her late thirties or early forties she no longer needs her uterus and so they take it out. I just stared at him and thought oh no. I do not agree with this philosophy at all. So, he recommended that I go talk to his front girls to get a second opinion. Alrighty.
I talked with the check out girl who had no clue how to answer my question. I walk to the front desk. The front desk ladies told me to go to the check out girl. One comes with me to help the check out girl. She is on the phone. I have two other people helping me who start to give me cards to urologists. Urology? ...? ....?
I asked "Isn't urology dealing with the bladder?" A minute or two passed as the front desk women disappeared and came back. She hurriedly took the cards out of my hands and put them back in the book. She flipped to another page to recommend me to people who specialize in gastro something or other. Gastro? Isn't that to do with the intestines? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. They finally asked Dr. Villa who recommended one doctor in the office, Dr. Moore, and another in a different office. I asked the check out girl/appointment setter if Dr. Moore does fibroid surgery. She responded that he does surgeries. Okay but does he do surgeries related to fibroids? I asked that question and she responded with, “He does all kind of surgeries” while staring at me with big frightened eyes. Yeah, I cannot recommend this office.
I did research and Phoenix magazine came out with an issue about doctors recently. I have a consult with Dr. Deborah Wilson on Monday. Wish me luck.
Or better yet, talk to everyone you know and see if they had to deal with fibroids. Do they know an amazing surgeon in Arizona? Tell me. That would be the best ever.
I apparently told very few people about my update three months ago which makes the numbers in above sentence not mean a lot. My fibroid was originally 10cm or the size of a navel orange when it was found. I measured an orange the other day and it is huge when put by my stomach. It could have been larger like a grapefruit but still orange is pretty dang big.
Three months ago my fibroid shrank to 7cms. “Cool,” I thought at that time. It shrank by 30 percent which is pretty standard. I had discussed with Dr. Villa at my three month appointment that I did not want to take hormones for six months because of the risk of bone loss. He assured me that usually fibroids shrink more in the 4-6 month range "in his experience." That was a bit odd. All the literature I found on it said that a 35% drop is the standard and the shrinkage peaks at three months.
No surprise to anyone who read the first sentence, my fibroid did not shrink in the past 3 months (or the 4-6 month range). Well, actually it did a tiny bit. It was 7cm by 6cm by 6cm. Therefore, my fibroid shrunk by 1 cm in one dimension.
Anyway, 6 months ago my fibroid looked like a navel orange and now more like a plum. I had those two fruits in my kitchen and examined them to an online ruler. The plum had a diameter about 7cm and the navel orange had a diameter of about 10cm, and yet a plum is quite smaller than a navel orange. The diameter of my fibroid went from 10cm to 7 cm which is a 30 percent drop. I then got white and nerdy. The formula for volume for a sphere is V=4/3*pi*r^3 (not crazy nerdy since I have not done the formula for an irregular sphere). My fibroid originally had a volume of approximately 520cm^3. It is now around 180cm^3 (if 7 is used as the diameter). 180 is only about 35% of 520 so my fibroid went down 65%! I may have done my math wrong but it all makes sense when I compare an orange to a plum.
After the ultrasound, I sat there. It did not shrink. What do I do?
I want surgery because with current technology or medical knowledge fibroids are not an easy fix. They shrink when there is no estrogen so after menopause or during a chemically induced menopause. I do not want surgery, but I do not want to wait 20 years to get menopause which would not help anyway if I wanted to get pregnant. I do want to get pregnant…one day. Also, I want the fibroid out. I do not want to work my job anymore just for the insurance. Hmmmm, as I sat there I thought I will see what Dr. Villa recommends.
Villa looked at the numbers and then asked me what I wanted to do. No recommendations. I tell him I will not stay on hormones and do want to do more research. That seemed to be all he needed. He then shifted his weight in preparation to stand. "Wait!" I told him, "This is part of the research."
He told me three months ago that he would feel comfortable doing the surgery when the fibroid was less than 5cm. I reiterated that. He waved his hand dismissively and said the surgery would be fine to do. What? I wonder to myself why it had changed. I asked if the surgery could be done laparoscopically also known as minimally invasive surgery. Oh no, he assured me because my fibroid is too large. I did research the night before and they defined big as larger than 10cm. I started feeling pretty sure that this surgery will not happen with Dr. Villa but I want to make sure. I asked how many surgeries or myomectomies he does monthly. "Monthly?" He repeated the question, never a good sign. He started to explain how he does not do them on a monthly basis so I asked when the last time he did one was. He responded "Two months ago. They are not done that often." I asked why not. Apparently it is because when a woman is in her late thirties or early forties she no longer needs her uterus and so they take it out. I just stared at him and thought oh no. I do not agree with this philosophy at all. So, he recommended that I go talk to his front girls to get a second opinion. Alrighty.
I talked with the check out girl who had no clue how to answer my question. I walk to the front desk. The front desk ladies told me to go to the check out girl. One comes with me to help the check out girl. She is on the phone. I have two other people helping me who start to give me cards to urologists. Urology? ...? ....?
I asked "Isn't urology dealing with the bladder?" A minute or two passed as the front desk women disappeared and came back. She hurriedly took the cards out of my hands and put them back in the book. She flipped to another page to recommend me to people who specialize in gastro something or other. Gastro? Isn't that to do with the intestines? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. They finally asked Dr. Villa who recommended one doctor in the office, Dr. Moore, and another in a different office. I asked the check out girl/appointment setter if Dr. Moore does fibroid surgery. She responded that he does surgeries. Okay but does he do surgeries related to fibroids? I asked that question and she responded with, “He does all kind of surgeries” while staring at me with big frightened eyes. Yeah, I cannot recommend this office.
I did research and Phoenix magazine came out with an issue about doctors recently. I have a consult with Dr. Deborah Wilson on Monday. Wish me luck.
Or better yet, talk to everyone you know and see if they had to deal with fibroids. Do they know an amazing surgeon in Arizona? Tell me. That would be the best ever.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Clown Birthday Party
My birthday party started really slow. My brother showed up at 3 but no one else did. He went to Target to get a bathing suit and I tidied up my room. I began to worry that no one would show other than family. Roy came back and people started to arrive. LuAnne is amazing and made lemon cake which rocked since I did not have a birthday cake till that moment! Sydni gave me a hideously perfect outfit to wear. It looked like an 80's dress (with shoulder pads). The bottom was solid blue and top part was different colored stripes - blue, red, green, and orange. People partied for a good two hours. My mother is the best. She let me paint her face and people compared it to the most recent Joker. It was not pretty but she laughed.
The party never got a lot of steam because I chose a bad day. Lots of people were having parties and mine had a clown theme. Two strong reasons for not as high as attendance as in the past. The party fizzled out, but three of us continued to party. We had clown make up on and needed to show the world! My bro, roommate from Craigslist (she is so fun!), and I went to a party of people my brother knew. We got some looks. Overall some rather cool people to chill with.
Also, I am in transition. I noticed that I have three friend types. The best are the reliable and amazing people. They call me. I call them. They are decent and kind. I want to hang out with them and feel they want to see me.
I have two other types that no longer work for me. There are the people that show up and call, but are rude little people. The others are people I love to hang out with but I never see unless I do the heavy lifting. I can do better. Of course, I might think that I am closer to someone than they think. There was a small incident where something nasty was said at my party that most did not hear but I did. Worst for me was it was said about some I care for. If it was said about me, I would have wonder if I did something or brushed it off. I have no tolerance though when I see someone attacking someone I care for.
There are other friend types of course - friends of friends, the friends that live really far away, mostly online friends, and so on. Also, friends start changing and drift away, while other people move in. A lot has happened this year. I had no energy to focus on what type of friendships I wanted or notice how I was changing.
About being 27, what a hard year and I appreciate all that supported me!
I have an ultrasound tomorrow and get more information about surgery and all that. Wish me luck!
The party never got a lot of steam because I chose a bad day. Lots of people were having parties and mine had a clown theme. Two strong reasons for not as high as attendance as in the past. The party fizzled out, but three of us continued to party. We had clown make up on and needed to show the world! My bro, roommate from Craigslist (she is so fun!), and I went to a party of people my brother knew. We got some looks. Overall some rather cool people to chill with.
Also, I am in transition. I noticed that I have three friend types. The best are the reliable and amazing people. They call me. I call them. They are decent and kind. I want to hang out with them and feel they want to see me.
I have two other types that no longer work for me. There are the people that show up and call, but are rude little people. The others are people I love to hang out with but I never see unless I do the heavy lifting. I can do better. Of course, I might think that I am closer to someone than they think. There was a small incident where something nasty was said at my party that most did not hear but I did. Worst for me was it was said about some I care for. If it was said about me, I would have wonder if I did something or brushed it off. I have no tolerance though when I see someone attacking someone I care for.
There are other friend types of course - friends of friends, the friends that live really far away, mostly online friends, and so on. Also, friends start changing and drift away, while other people move in. A lot has happened this year. I had no energy to focus on what type of friendships I wanted or notice how I was changing.
About being 27, what a hard year and I appreciate all that supported me!
I have an ultrasound tomorrow and get more information about surgery and all that. Wish me luck!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Goals
I signed up to be the Chandler Symphony Orchestra blogger. I just signed the paper and got my free jam for it on Tuesday. (Symphony people only accept payment in jam form.) I have no clue what type of blog they want nor what I will end up doing. I'm excited and fearful that I pushed myself into this direction. By the way, the symphony's last concert is this Sunday, May 2, at Desert Vista High School at 3pm. Next year, we will be back at Chandler Center for the Arts!
Before I signed up though, I found an online comic journal about one artist's journey through life. It took me a few minutes to find it, but here is the link . I know that webcomic artists usually get better when forced to draw so I'm forcing myself to write. Every week I will post a blog. It may be short and say something to the effect "I do not want to write. Blah.", but it will be something. I might just post a poem I have read. I'm not sure how it will evolve but it will happen. This will also help my future endeavors when I become the CSO blogger! (Maybe I should create a blogger costume like superheros')
P.S. Other goal - Reread all blog post or in other words revision! This blog has been read more than once... by me.
Before I signed up though, I found an online comic journal about one artist's journey through life. It took me a few minutes to find it, but here is the link . I know that webcomic artists usually get better when forced to draw so I'm forcing myself to write. Every week I will post a blog. It may be short and say something to the effect "I do not want to write. Blah.", but it will be something. I might just post a poem I have read. I'm not sure how it will evolve but it will happen. This will also help my future endeavors when I become the CSO blogger! (Maybe I should create a blogger costume like superheros')
P.S. Other goal - Reread all blog post or in other words revision! This blog has been read more than once... by me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
My Passion!
Once again, I struggled with getting myself to sit down and write. I sat down and opened my book. I then read while thinking I need to write so I can sleep. I wrote that sentence and immediately wanted to write about how I did not want to brush my teeth. That is exactly what I wrote yesterday. My brain loops quite easily. It is understandable because I associate brushing my teeth with the activity I do before I sleep.
I will write! I do seem to write better at night even when my when I feel the tiredness behind my eyes. I wished I could describe that better.
Anyway, I was inspired by Give or Take's blog about her finding her passion. I have been looking for that. I have several activities I feel some passion for - music, reading, art, and video games. The two bigges are reading and art. I love going to plays and museums. I'm even thinking of trying to find a way to make money in the creative side, maybe act (doubtful), write a novel, and play in gigs. I just doubt I will make enough money to pay the bills so there will have to be a Plan B. My dram teacher said though if you have a Plan B you will do that and not act. In my case, act could stand for playing my bass or writing. I still think I will have a plan B. I enjoy those activities but I know my passion.
I did not when I started to comment on Give or Take's blog, but it just made sense when I started to type how I did not know what it was. I love to learn. I get jealous of people's knowledge. When I was playing Sims 2, I figured out that I would be a knowledge Sim. The world of theatre attracts me because it seems learning is necessary. I would have to learn new lines for new plays and new skills for different parts. Sadly, the idea of being part of a successful show that runs for years just sounds boring. Also a bit egotistical, I have attended two sessions of my acting class and I doubt I will be part of any show.
So, this seems enough to say I have written something. Next thing to add to the list, revision, an essential part of writing that I do not do when I blog. Enjoy the errors!
I will write! I do seem to write better at night even when my when I feel the tiredness behind my eyes. I wished I could describe that better.
Anyway, I was inspired by Give or Take's blog about her finding her passion. I have been looking for that. I have several activities I feel some passion for - music, reading, art, and video games. The two bigges are reading and art. I love going to plays and museums. I'm even thinking of trying to find a way to make money in the creative side, maybe act (doubtful), write a novel, and play in gigs. I just doubt I will make enough money to pay the bills so there will have to be a Plan B. My dram teacher said though if you have a Plan B you will do that and not act. In my case, act could stand for playing my bass or writing. I still think I will have a plan B. I enjoy those activities but I know my passion.
I did not when I started to comment on Give or Take's blog, but it just made sense when I started to type how I did not know what it was. I love to learn. I get jealous of people's knowledge. When I was playing Sims 2, I figured out that I would be a knowledge Sim. The world of theatre attracts me because it seems learning is necessary. I would have to learn new lines for new plays and new skills for different parts. Sadly, the idea of being part of a successful show that runs for years just sounds boring. Also a bit egotistical, I have attended two sessions of my acting class and I doubt I will be part of any show.
So, this seems enough to say I have written something. Next thing to add to the list, revision, an essential part of writing that I do not do when I blog. Enjoy the errors!
Monday, February 1, 2010
What I had for dinner
A nectarine
Bottled water
Almonds
1% chocolate milk - Shamrock Farms
and an organic tomato
with a sprinkling of salt
from two salt packets
provided by Sunflower Market
and paid for by
Heather.
It was delicious and exactly what I needed. Heather and I met up tonight at Extreme Bean just to talk and keep in touch. She is so inspirational. Heather wrote seven poems in the month of January. I made a goal to write 15 minutes a day starting with today though it will be more like 10 but I'm starting to think of not brushing my teeth. My bed calls so. I will brush my teeth. I'm trying to get my teeth whiter mostly because I'm pondering the idea of acting or be in the theatre world. This would mean at some point I would have to shave my legs. Hmmm...
I memorized a monologue and now need to read the play so I get a deep emotional connection. As I wrote that sentence, my face flushed. My fibroid. Really it is the Zolodex that stops my production of estrogen which leads to hot flashes, but I only take the medication because of the fibroid. February 8th I get an ultrasound! Look here for an update on my uterus situation.
My uterus makes me think of reproducing in general and that leads to men. I stopped dating the last one because he was a huge loser. I mean I already knew he lived at home as he went for a degree in drama while doing lots and lots of pot and other drugs, but he also was not that into me. He did not call me enough and he lied. Those were the deal breakers. He told me he had been tested three months after the last time he had unprotected sex. He later told me he had unprotected sex in November. It has not been three months yet. Of course, the tract marks on his arms really helped the decision as well.
My stepfather died last Tuesday and the memory service was Sunday. I'm doing really well with it. The situation was harder when he was starving to death in front of us. I do not want anyone to worry about how to treat me. Just be yourselves. I hang out with you all because I enjoy your company.
Look forward to more ramblings in the future!
Bottled water
Almonds
1% chocolate milk - Shamrock Farms
and an organic tomato
with a sprinkling of salt
from two salt packets
provided by Sunflower Market
and paid for by
Heather.
It was delicious and exactly what I needed. Heather and I met up tonight at Extreme Bean just to talk and keep in touch. She is so inspirational. Heather wrote seven poems in the month of January. I made a goal to write 15 minutes a day starting with today though it will be more like 10 but I'm starting to think of not brushing my teeth. My bed calls so. I will brush my teeth. I'm trying to get my teeth whiter mostly because I'm pondering the idea of acting or be in the theatre world. This would mean at some point I would have to shave my legs. Hmmm...
I memorized a monologue and now need to read the play so I get a deep emotional connection. As I wrote that sentence, my face flushed. My fibroid. Really it is the Zolodex that stops my production of estrogen which leads to hot flashes, but I only take the medication because of the fibroid. February 8th I get an ultrasound! Look here for an update on my uterus situation.
My uterus makes me think of reproducing in general and that leads to men. I stopped dating the last one because he was a huge loser. I mean I already knew he lived at home as he went for a degree in drama while doing lots and lots of pot and other drugs, but he also was not that into me. He did not call me enough and he lied. Those were the deal breakers. He told me he had been tested three months after the last time he had unprotected sex. He later told me he had unprotected sex in November. It has not been three months yet. Of course, the tract marks on his arms really helped the decision as well.
My stepfather died last Tuesday and the memory service was Sunday. I'm doing really well with it. The situation was harder when he was starving to death in front of us. I do not want anyone to worry about how to treat me. Just be yourselves. I hang out with you all because I enjoy your company.
Look forward to more ramblings in the future!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Writing Assignment
I am the family resident writer so my mother asked me to write Troy's obituary. I told her I would. I still have not written it. She asked me if I wanted to do it again today and I told her no. I will. I have done some research tonight and it will need to be done in the next few days.
I also plan on writing my poem titled Mariella and Corbin by Monday night. It is about me washing dishes while watching my daughter and son play in the mud. I put some dishes away and when I turn around they are gone. This is because they never existed and will never be able to (I have no more news about my fibroid, but I have my fears). Maybe I will also write a poem about bleeding out on an operating table or waking up without a uterus.
I'm also dating a loser. I know this. I imagine dating a honorable man who respects me. We hike across the States and scuba dive in the oceans around the world. He brings me soup and leaves me alone when I'm sick. Later, he yells and punches walls because we both know he is dying sooner rather than later. I push the pain medication button for him as he grimaces in pain and cannot push it for himself. I'm not ready for love. I watch my mother not cry as she holds Troy's hand for hours. She pets his hair and kisses his cheek. He does not respond
to most people but mostly for her, he gurgles out a noise. She walks into her room and I hold her while she sobs into my shoulder. I do not know when I will be ready.
I also plan on writing my poem titled Mariella and Corbin by Monday night. It is about me washing dishes while watching my daughter and son play in the mud. I put some dishes away and when I turn around they are gone. This is because they never existed and will never be able to (I have no more news about my fibroid, but I have my fears). Maybe I will also write a poem about bleeding out on an operating table or waking up without a uterus.
I'm also dating a loser. I know this. I imagine dating a honorable man who respects me. We hike across the States and scuba dive in the oceans around the world. He brings me soup and leaves me alone when I'm sick. Later, he yells and punches walls because we both know he is dying sooner rather than later. I push the pain medication button for him as he grimaces in pain and cannot push it for himself. I'm not ready for love. I watch my mother not cry as she holds Troy's hand for hours. She pets his hair and kisses his cheek. He does not respond
to most people but mostly for her, he gurgles out a noise. She walks into her room and I hold her while she sobs into my shoulder. I do not know when I will be ready.
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