Thursday Blog!

Wednesday is suppose to be poem day. I wrote the two past Wednesdays but not yesterday. I have hit an introvert phase. I cycle every few months or every other year between being outgoing and a hermit. My friends can do better hermit phase but right now it is so draining to meet new people.

I go to work and I come home exhausted. I might read a bit or play video games and then I sleep. I try to get one errand done a day. Yesterday I deposited a check and went grocery shopping. Today, I got fingerprinted again.

Fun enough, my favorite role playing group is getting together. We always seem to get together when I'm in an introvert phase which is great. I already know them and we met up every other week or so. It is perfect for what I can handle.

I was too tired to write a poem yesterday. I thought about writing a poem about being too tired to write a poem. I went to sleep instead.

Delayed Blog

I did not write a back up blog because I had the day off. Well I was called in. I got called at 7am. I rolled out of my house at 7:20 and drove slowly to my pet sitting gig. I can still drive my car but my brother recommends below 45. I then went to work and got done at 11am.

For some reason, I decided I should drive to see my friend Carla in North Phoenix. It normally takes around 30 to 40 minutes when I can take freeways. My car does not have air conditioning. There was a excessive heat warning in effect. It took me about an hour and ten very sweaty minutes to see her. It was worth it but I told her never again. The next time I drive to see here is when I have a car that can go on a freeway. She told me I was silly.

We had lunch with her husband. She and I drove (thankfully in her car) to El Mirage where I saw her class and she let me borrow some teaching books. We got back to her place and I soon after took off back to the pet sitting gig. I took care of the animals.

The drives were amazing in some ways. It made me pay attention to areas of towns I never go like the Squaw Peak (I know it has a different name now) area and the farms east of the 101 in Scottsdale. I want to travel. I will be planning a camping trip soonish.

After the pets, I drove to my new gaming group. I hung out with two of the guys because the other two members were busy. It was interesting. I told them I have many groups and they told me the rule is I just have to tell them when I cannot make it. I rather the rule was when I can make it because I am very busy. We ended the night at Ihop. I did not get home till 12:30am so I had planned a shorter blog but instead enjoy the one about my day. I need to shower and sleep.
Good night all.

Good Gaming Group?

I can't find a group where I fit. I would love to have a group that meets up consistently that was fun to play with. The people I love playing with do not have time to play that often. The groups that play every week bother me. Maybe it is because I see those groups more often?

No, it is because there is a certain mentality to those that have set groups that meet weekly. One, I'm usually coming into those groups solo and they know how everyone else plays. This gives them an advantage and I dislike losing. I am playing with a group now where I am constantly coming in last. I feel like I'm not good enough. I do not like that feeling but it is okay for me to learn some more humility. For example, the spread in the bean game was 16 for the winner and 12 for the lowest score. In Puerto Rico, the winner had 53 while the lowest score was 42. The problem was I have constantly been the lowest score. It did not bother me last week since I was out of it, but I do believe they may just be better than me.

Oh it hurts to type. It is just not that fun for me. It is like running track against people who are naturally better and training longer who are extremely serious about running. If I could run with them, maybe it would be more fun, but I want to run with the group laughing.

Second, these groups are all about the mechanics. No, when we play Bang as if we all are in the old west or on a Frontier world like Firefly. We are people with cards. I ask, "What does that card say?" "Oh I can shoot people from 3 spaces away," they would reply. "Okay I can see the symbols what does the very top say?" "Oh, it is a buffalo rife."

Imagine the fun that could be said with that! Protect yourselves because I'm hunting all of yaw and your buffalo. Or Oops I meant to shoot that buffalo and you were just too close. My bad. These are just two silly statements that could be said.

I get bored focusing on the mechanics. There is only so many ways a game can be played even an excellent game. You can play the game x, y, or z. If you start down the x path, then you want to do this. If y or z, then these paths. I did get grumpy with the groups last night because I can usually see those paths and I like being the best, but I have played cooperatively too long. It is not just about the paths anymore, but if I am trudging down the path, skipping with my friend, or doing cartwheels.

I do need to get over insecurities. In my running example above, I do not care if someone runs faster. This is where I am at genetically and how much I am willing to train. This is true in gaming as well. Others are smarter and are willing to play more often. I am feeling better just typing this blog.

I'm just agreeing with two of my friends who rather role play than play board games. I have so many more problems finding a group I can role play with. I like my board games to be role played more and I like my role playing groups to have end points. I can play a card or board game without role playing or being silly. I can also role play for sessions where the story line never gets finished. I just rather play differently.

Okay so this is what I have learned about myself. I should be playing one shots or short story arc role playing. I need to find one really flexible group who wants to board game and role play- doubtful. On the other hand, I could find a few groups who do different activities. I would love to find that group that is silly, social, and strategic or a group who would love Killer Bunnies. Then I would have another group that role playing with definite story arcs. Alas, I don't have the time to play as consistently as I would like to.

At this point, I have become like my friend Grumpator. I do not play just for the joy of the game (though sometimes it happens), but I game to be with my friends.

I also might be smarting from having someone yell shut up at me. The gentleman apparently could not handle the words miscarriage and period. I was talking about my surgery and the circumstances around it. Unfortunately my uterus was the certain of that medical problem and I did not realize talking generally about blood and that area would garner that reaction. Okay, that is part of the problem. I am angry that I could not say “I thought I had a miscarriage but my gynecologist said it was just a rough period,” without some pansy yelling at me. People who have read my blogs know that I have given more details than that.

I love board gaming, but it is time to take a break from it.

Completion of a cycle

My surgery is done. I’m no longer going to be dealing with that medical issue except the bills. I do not struggle with money but maybe that will be a new thing. My stepfather’s illness was resolved a couple of months ago though we are still dealing with his death.

A truly sad and turning point, Sam is dying. Sam, or my car, has major strut damage up front and some in the back. My stepbro is a mechanic and said something about the torque something is going bad. I’m going to get a new car. It hurts. I have only owned Sam and I’m not ready to let go. Also, a new car equals more debt.

My great roommate moved out at the end of June. I’m living with a new girl I meet from Craigslist. She is moving all her furniture in right now. My house has this sweet set up with three couches in a triangle. There is a TV breaking up the triangle because I wanted to play video games as I got better. The TV is going to storage soon. The triangle will soon be broken. My roommate has quite a bit of furniture so this means the house will need to be rearranged. It needs to anyway because we need to come to an arrangement that pleases both of us. People relax so much more in the environment if they have some say. It becomes their home.

I no longer have my job. They scheduled me for four hours next week. Umm, thanks. It is a good thing. I have applications for being a substitute to feel out but that would not start until August. I was going to milk the Hilton a bit longer but I will need a different second job. It is okay. I am too bitter. This will also give me the time to do the research on starting my own pet sitting business.

I have a date tomorrow with an online guy. I’m doing the modified four man plan again! I’m really just trying out my options. I am hoping to have a date with a different guy soon as well. I cut ties with the ex. We have no contact and it is a great thing.

I’m writing! I posted 9 blogs in June and hope to keep it around that number for July. I’m writing poetry and I might start working on my short stories. I’m also doing research on journals that I can send my poetry to.

I have a new gaming group.

I’m working another con. I know. I questioned the wisdom of working Phoenix Con but I am working Sabo an anime con. I am the vendor room manager. It seems like even more responsibility, but the contacts I make will be great! Also, I have all these con friends that I usually only see at cons so that is fun.

Apparently it is time for change. I’m glad. I was done with where I was at.

Phoenix Comicon – Part 3 the slow appearance of my muse

Saturday started off surprisingly. My partner at Check In, Mari, got sick so I jumped in for her. I was disappointed because I missed the panels on steampunk. I had checked the gentlemen that were running the panel in the day before and they invited me to stop by. I enjoy steam punk. I read Girl Genius and Freak Angels (just started that web comic in the last week). The gentlemen also made jokes and seemed a lively bunch. They invited me to a steampunk convention in Tucson. I will not be able to attend that convention because of lack of funds.

My brother showed up again even though he was not the biggest fan of comic conventions. He came to hang out with me. He is such a sweetheart. (I accidentally wrote sweatheart. I need to figure out what that would be). He followed me around as I could not figure out what I wanted to do. I ran into some of my friends from The Gamer Society at ASU. We lost them for a while but ran into them again when Roy and I sat in a writing panel about fantastical creatures other than vampires and werewolves. Of course, vampires and werewolves were mentioned by the audience several times. I stared at the writers while aspiring to be like them.

The best thing happened! The day before, my brother and I wandered the convention trying to find a place that fit. The anime rooms were fun but not that interesting. The video game rooms were okay. We walked into the board gaming room. The energy or the vibe just fit. We strutted around the room peering at all the different games. We did not have time to play though. We walked across the hall to the drawing room and glanced in. People drew and colored quietly at desks. I felt like exploring so I strode into the room and stopped four paces in. This sense of horror came over me. I do not know why. The only sound was the slight scratching of pens and a mummer or two. My bro and I backed out.

“It is all perspective,” I told my brother. “We do not fit but an artist, let’s say Rachel, would be drawn to that room. Rachel would just end up in that room.” Now back to Saturday, the group of us had run into each other at the writing panel. Andrew, Jessica, and Rachel wanted to go to the exhibitor hall to buy books and talk to the writers. The writing panel was at an end of a hall so we all marched toward the lobby past the art room. Andrew asked “Where’s Rachel?” I looked back and saw Rachel suddenly veering into that room (think the scene from Dawn of the Dead where the zombie is chasing his wife and suddenly turns to eat the neighbor). We went back to collect her. We asked what happened. She said, “I saw the room and just came in.” She totally forgot her mission. I called it! That was the best thing.

Later in the day, my brother decided to go home. I hugged him and sat down to eat. I got called back to the convention center because the two other staff members at registration were not feeling well. It turned out great! I was technically in charge but another higher ranking member took control. This meant I got to go to Masquerade with Arthur. I also created my outfit for Geek Prom. I cut pieces from my gold sheath dress and made a wrist band. I was completely irresponsible and let the volunteers do it all the work. It was night so they registered like three people. I then ran over to the Geek Prom. Josh, a giant security gent, was my date. We hung out a bit awkwardly. I stared to dance and he later joined me. I later went to the Anime rave. I so adore techno music. The beat reeves me up. I play bass because I love rhythm. I thrill to techno music for the same reason. Josh joined me but looked decidedly uncomfortable standing in one spot so we left early. He walked me to my car and I went home.

On Sunday, I did not have to work! I went to writer panels and just thought about how I wanted to be up there. I want to write a book or stories, and then talk to people about my work and writing in general. Rachel and I wandered the exhibitor halls where I delved into her plans for the future. She was planning on going to graduate school and I tried to convince her not to. I told her the best thing was to get experience. I said we should talk to the artists here. Rachel was very uncomfortable with that so I became her translator! Okay, I engaged the conversation. It was easy. Artists have a common ground. I told her we would walk around until she saw art she liked. Rachel has a great eye. She chose a guy who is well known in the comic world. She then wanted to go talk to writers because they are charming. (That could be me one day.) We chatted up a dude until he suddenly dashed away. He was giving Felicia Day his book and getting something signed so I understand.

I went to Happy Hour with Wil Wheaton and John Scalzi (It is a panel not a bar time). I bought his book Android’s Dream the day before. Scalzi rocks. He is so creative. He also tells funny stories about bacon. Wil and John revealed the awesome Pegasus unicorn kitty picture – too funny. The day then ended with a group of us from TGS eating out. We talked about writing and creating. I found out Andrew and Rachel plan on starting a web comic. I hope they do because it sounds interesting.

Every comic con ends with me being inspired by writers. This lead to me doing my weekly blog so thanks to those writers.

Surgery

My mom drove me to the Piper Surgery Center a few days ago. The first nurse or technician did not warn me or my mother that pre-op was starting. I gave a urine sample, suddenly was told to take off my clothes, and then I was lying in a hospital bed all by myself. When I asked the woman the plan earlier, she said it would just be a moment and I would not need my books. I wish I had put up more resistance. I wish I had said "You will tell me what is going on and I will get my books which will more effectively distract me than TV (I did not watch TV)". The woman also got me to lay there by saying that my mother would be allowed in a moment.

I laid there. The tears started to leak out. I watched nurses walk by through the small opening in the curtain. My mother did not come and it had been like two minutes or forever in hospital terms. I spoke up. I got a nurse's attention and she told me my mother would not be let back until certain activities happened. I was displeased. The nurse walked away and I started to cry again. My nurse walked in a moment later. Renee always seemed to know. The moment I would cry she would check on me so I would then stifle it in. She asked questions and put the IV in. My mother showed up early. That lovely woman had just stood in front of the counter until they gave in. Stubbornness runs in the family.

The anesthesiologist was nice. My mother left at some point. I think it was when the anesthesiologist was putting the blue hair net on my head. Both the nurse and the anesthesiologist told me that my eyes matched the hair net and the gowns. Yes, I was still pretty while in a hospital bed. They turned the bed toward the door.

I then woke up from a dream to Linda smiling over me. I felt great. Linda assured me, "The surgery went great". It was that easy. My uterus was intact as well as my ovaries. Woot! Linda was sweet and chatted with me. I asked if I could walk. I also asked if I could have ice cream - several times. She told me that I could walk to my room but I decided to ride in the bed because when will I be able to do that again? I was so drugged up. The ride was so short in my memory but later I found out the recovery room was on a different floor.

I have spent my time recovering. My mother spent copious of time with me in the hospital which made me feel great. My aunt Shirley gave me pretty sunflowers and Carla also visited. Roy stayed with me till nine at night. That night was hard. I could not sleep so I read from like 1am to 5am. I got progressively grumpier. My eyes turned into dark pits. I came home and became happy. I slept, petted my cats, checked facebook, petted my cats, slept, and played video games.

I will make some quick points. Pre-op sucked (otherwise known as the night before, Dun Dun Dunh). I drank a laxative. I also gave myself an enema and douche. Blahh. That sucked. It sucked going to CVS and buying supplies. I have now experienced these activities and hope never to do it again. I also know I do not have AIDS or Hep C. I did two other things before the operation. I had acupuncture. He recommended I do some polarity. I did it with a new person and I still have trouble describing it. Some of you would call it hippy medicine. During it, I was unsure but it helped my surgery immensely. If you have surgery, do it. I have a guy.

I also know my blood type. It is O negative just like my father and brother. This knowledge is part of the debt I went into to get this fibroid out. I owe so much money! A shallow point, my stomach is flatter so I paid thousands to be skinner. That is fine. My mom is my financial support. I'm feeling better than I have a long time.