A different type of woman

I visited my mom's last Sunday after work. I walked in and observed two little girls that I did not recognize. My brother explained that of course he was related to me since he had just told them that he was my brother. I then heard voices coming from the kitchen that I knew. The little girls were the children of an old family friend. Well, they are part of a family friend clan. I grew up calling their grandparents Aunt and Uncle. I then saw my dog. I pitched my voice highly and excitedly said "LuLu! Lu! Come here". I proceed to do what I always do when I visit my mother's. I loudly greeted and rubbed the dog for a few minutes.

I then went to the bathroom to get out of my dreaded uniform that is so hot and sweaty. I put on some cute pants and a top that shows off a lot of my breasts. I went back to the living room where my mom was highly surprised to see me. She wondered when I had snuck in. Snuck in? I had practically screamed Lu's name. Oh well, she was just glad to see me and I should say hi to everyone. I therefore went around the house greeting everyone.

I then got back to the Wii which my brother had borrowed and brought over. The girls were enjoying themselves and I spent quite a bit of time with them. Some great moments occurred during this visit. I ate beside the oldest, eight, who is the same size as her year younger sister. She informed me that it greatly annoyed her. Both of the girls did not eat much. I suggested to the oldest she would have more of a chance of getting bigger if she ate more. She just looked at me dismissively. I then went back for my third plate of food, I believe. The youngest bluntly proclaimed, "You eat a lot." Of course I do. I love food. And! I am small in size, showing that people can eat a lot, be small but still adult size. I'm not sure why but I got the sense that being tiny was important to the two girls. The two gaped at me. Weirdness one.

I sat back down. The oldest whispered that my bra was showing. I looked down. Indeed quite a bit of my bra was showing so I pushed part of the shirt back in place. She told me that my bra was still showing. I said "Well, yeah." She told me, "That was just wrong." I told her that it was all right. I liked it. I probably should wear an undershirt depending on the occasion, but I liked my boobs. She told me that was wrong because I was a kid. I laughed at her because she knew my age and that I lived on my own. I responded that I was really an adult and I could show off my boobs if I wanted to. She again looked at me like I was quite strange. Weirdness two.

I had to leave early so I put my shoes back on. The oldest again noticed from ten paces away that... gasp!... I have hair on my legs. She came over to stare and I told her that I in fact do not shave. "That is nasty! Nasty." I will admit that I was a bit saddened but told myself not to get upset about an 8 year old's opinion. Weirdness 3.

Hanging out with the girls just made me realize, I'm no where near what they consider a typical woman.

Amberwood Park

I'm tired but still want to post. So here is the first poem I ever wrote for my poetry class. It was the one that I revised the most and the one I entered into the contest. I did not win, but that is okay. Enjoy!



Amberwood Park


We decide to clog the chute.
I lie horizontally across,
and fight the slippery plastic surface.
Eight kids below me, more and more adding above me.
We giggle.
A boy slips,
No! Push against the sides!
He slips,
then gives.
Like dominoes, one body strikes another.


I see something new,a white and red sign,
that tells everyone that this place is a park.
The fields, basketball courts, and playground are the same, but
rules and regulations now exist that did not yesterday.
“Dogs must always be on a leash.”
My dogs and I move past the sign. Kids play
in and around the chute that used to be mine.
“Grounder!” a kid calls.
“You’re it!”
A girl flies through the air.
She smacks her body to the pole and balances
on a small circle of cement.
She challenges back,
“I wasn’t touching the ground.
Not it!”
My dogs and I walk on
until we reach a fenced in spot where
the grass grows in patches.
I let the leashes go
and observe their legs charge
across the field.


Late, late one Thanksgiving night,
I storm towards the park, smarting from the family quarrel,
and clenching my car keys.
I twist in the swing and drag my feet through the sand.
My lungs fill with air.
I stare at the empty chutes, barren fields, and blank sidewalks.
Suddenly
My skin prickles. My stomach tightens.
Cockroaches scurry.
No one is there.
No one will grab me and drag me into the deep shadows
cast by the trees.
No one will hear me scream.
No one will hear my feet
slap on the sidewalk, my loud breathing,
or the latch on the lock thudding home.

Nicest Thing

by Kate Nash. It is my favorite song at this time. I have never been so obsessed about a song that I put it on daily. I can not tell you why I love the song so much. I enjoy Kate Nash's voice. I enjoy the melody. I enjoy the lyrics. The lyrics really speak to the romantic in me. They are about wanting someone (in my mind a man, but I do not believe she states a gender)to love her which of course I want someone to love me. Maybe not as extreme as the examples in the song because I do want him to be able to eat even if I was not in his life. I want a practical man but part of me is like "Yes, waste away because I'm gone."

I'm not saying that I would be ready for that type of love. If the perfect guy for me came up and said "Hi." I'm sure I would say "Hello" back but once I realized what he wanted... wait... the perfect guy for me would realize that I would need to take things slow so would have little problem with me going away for a few years to travel. I told people if I found the right guy now I would travel with him. I meant it at the time, but it is no longer true. I want to travel by myself, maybe with a friend, but I want the freedom to do what I want without feeling selfish.

Picking through rasbperries and seeing the sun rise

Those activities occur because of my job. I noticed the sunrise this morning. The pink strands are slight compared to the glory that can be the sunset. I'm not sure why.

I see several sunrises now. I also pick through raspberries because they go bad so fast. I want to make a fruit bowl look pretty but bam! squishy berry with white spots. I make a rim shot into the trash. I sorted through a plastic container when I realized I do not mind my job. I enjoy it more because of the picking through raspberries. It is nice to just reach in and throw some on, but my job is so much more interesting when I have to fix the problems. I then decided that I would stick with this job for at least a year.

I was wrong.

I dislike all the work they heap on the morning crew because we work hard. I don't want to see the sunrise unless I'm waking in the wilderness. I don't want to work 9 hour shifts where I fight for my 20 minutes of sitting time. And no that is not all at one time. I like serving so I'm going to search for a serving job for lunch and dinner. Where they play fun movies. And there is more than two servers to do all the work.