I rode my bike to South Mountain. I am out of shape because I could not even ride my bike the whole way. I walked it when going over the 10 on steep overpass. It did remind me when I could not even ride halfway up. Last year, my body was so used up with the fibroid that I thought my bike was broken. It was not the bike. My body was not broken either, but it was a struggle.
I got to the bike rack at 10am because I cannot make myself get out there earlier. The sun beat down on my neck and my sports bar filled up with sweat. I loved it. There is something about being hot and exhausted that makes everything a bit clearer. I over think but not when I hike. My thoughts turn to, "I want to be done but I have 3 more miles... mostly uphill" or "Where did I leave that water bottle? Did I bring enough water? Okay, I can allow myself to have a sip now." There are the still the thoughts about where am I going with my life or should I call that guy, but there is no never ending loop because at some point I find myself staring at a Palo Verde tree, breathing hard, and thinking "tired".
I gave myself the goal to send in poems to 50 journals by the end of the year but I no longer need to do that. My new and vaguer goal, "Be rejected more!" Ultimately, I hope to not be rejected but I have too much fear so I will just practice putting myself out there in the career and dating field.
Now for something completely different. Prop 106 - It seems to be a way for some Arizonans to fight against the national health care bill. . The arguments for the Prop in my General Election November 2, 2010 Publicity Pamphlet were pretty weak. There was a good argument where the League of Women Voter of Arizona stated that the federal law supersedes the state constitution. This leads to some vague thoughts about the role of the federal and state government. I might even do research. I am curious to see what is going to happen with the national health care bill so I will vote No on Prop 106. What do you all think?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Rearranging Time
I'm struggling to write this blog. I wrote "I'm feeling restless and trapped." My brain then said that is a weak sentence and it is all about you. How is that going to draw others in?
Grr, I have not written anything in a week or so, maybe that is part of the struggle.
There are parts to the struggle. I drove to Prescott with my dog, Lu Dog. We hiked for like four hours. I did not do my research well enough so there were a few moments of being lost and back tracking both in the car and on foot. My mother tried to assist with finding the road for me. I snapped on her on the phone and apologized. I ended up getting help from Syd. The hike was freeing. Pine trees covered the hill at the beginning of the hike while I studied the granite cliff up high. People rock climb that. I want to do that. The trail wound up the high hill (almost like a mountain but it does not really compare to the Rockies or the Andes)and then the trail descended. Lu Dog and I followed it as the terrain turned into granite outcroppings and cacti. I forgot one of my water bottles at the trail head so we rationed more than I wanted to. By the end, I was exhausted and completely happy.
I want to go back out again. I do not know where but the traveling bug is itching at me. I can't go anywhere for too long since I have to plan it better, but the camping trip in two weeks should help.
I'm still restless. I have lived in my apartment for a year and half, and I can decorate much more. My roommate Jessica and I will hang up art and maybe rearrange the furniture. If you believe in Feng Shui that will equate to a change in my life or me reflecting the changes in my home.
One of the changes revolves around boys like most of my stories. I feel like I'm boring people with those stories. I'm also getting worn down. I have been constantly going on dates since my surgery three months ago. I'm going to take a break and study for the elections. Look for my thoughts on who and what I am going to vote for.
Grr, I have not written anything in a week or so, maybe that is part of the struggle.
There are parts to the struggle. I drove to Prescott with my dog, Lu Dog. We hiked for like four hours. I did not do my research well enough so there were a few moments of being lost and back tracking both in the car and on foot. My mother tried to assist with finding the road for me. I snapped on her on the phone and apologized. I ended up getting help from Syd. The hike was freeing. Pine trees covered the hill at the beginning of the hike while I studied the granite cliff up high. People rock climb that. I want to do that. The trail wound up the high hill (almost like a mountain but it does not really compare to the Rockies or the Andes)and then the trail descended. Lu Dog and I followed it as the terrain turned into granite outcroppings and cacti. I forgot one of my water bottles at the trail head so we rationed more than I wanted to. By the end, I was exhausted and completely happy.
I want to go back out again. I do not know where but the traveling bug is itching at me. I can't go anywhere for too long since I have to plan it better, but the camping trip in two weeks should help.
I'm still restless. I have lived in my apartment for a year and half, and I can decorate much more. My roommate Jessica and I will hang up art and maybe rearrange the furniture. If you believe in Feng Shui that will equate to a change in my life or me reflecting the changes in my home.
One of the changes revolves around boys like most of my stories. I feel like I'm boring people with those stories. I'm also getting worn down. I have been constantly going on dates since my surgery three months ago. I'm going to take a break and study for the elections. Look for my thoughts on who and what I am going to vote for.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Hanson Concert
Some weeks ago, my friend Brian was standing by his wife Sydni. He looked at me and asked, "Do you remember when you told Sydni you would go to a Hanson concert if they ever came into town?" I looked back at him vaguely and said, "Not really, but I would go." Brian said, "Good, because I bought tickets." I responded, "What?" Sydni beamed and told me that the concert was on September 14. Okay that's cool.
It was on a Tuesday night so I had to tell my bass chair that I could not make it to rehearsal. I do not think he thought a Hanson concert was a valid enough reason but I did. I still do. I gave my word. It may have been four years ago when Sydni and I were living together but it is still valid.
The Hanson concert was fun. There was two opening bands. The first had Frankie Munez in it and Syd told me that he is friends with Hanson. The next band had a much more charismatic singer, but they need to work on their lyrics. Every song was about love and most included eyes, lips, and her. It got boring. We waited. Then Hanson came on. I enjoyed their new songs from their album Shout It Out. It had some brass parts in it and it felt like it had a bit of Motown influences. It was also just lovely to hang out with Sydni sans husband and kids.
One of the best parts of the evening though was with Sydni's three year old Erik. Sydni was getting ready and Brian was playing a computer game. I bored Brian with some dating stories. I even said quite excitedly, "Tell me what he meant, Brian! You speak man, right?" Brian just said, "Ummm...Uh..no". I was mostly joking but Brian has surprised me in the past with advice. I sat there and tapped my foot against the ground. I was bored. What to do? I then saw Erik running around. I asked, "Hey, Erik, you want put some clothes on and go outside?" Erik responded so cutely and said in a high pitched tone, "Yes".
Erik was wearing only underwear so Syd and I told him to get some pants on. He ran off. We chatted. He came back with a Rice Krispies box. I stood up and told him that was not his pants. We put the cereal back. Erik and I wandered around trying to find clothes that fit him and his shoes. I did not know the house and Erik apparently did not either. Erik dressed himself after telling me he could not do it and me telling him he could. He did.
We went out and explored the neighborhood. I spied a penny. I told Erik to run over and grab it. He did and put it in his pocket. I saw long pieces of styrofoam so Erik and I played swords. Then we went over to yellow posts and hit them a couple times. We picked up the styrofoam pieces and threw them away. It was like being a kid again. I was the leader and it was so fun to see Erik mimic me. I stomped on leaves so he did too. We stopped and looked at mud. I started to play in it so he did too. We checked out the pool where Erik greeted another kid who started to play lion or something in the grass. The kid did not respond. I told Erik that the kid was not interested but I was proud of his social skills. We shuffled our feet through dirt as we continued to travel through the houses.
Erik hid from me behind some bushes. I tried to convince him to follow the house behind the bushes but he did not want to. I then had to go back there and lead our exploration team behind the bushes. It was much easier for the three year old since he is much smaller. We then saw an overturned grocery cart. I told Erik it would be fun to crawl through, which he did. I was a bit jealous but I was not going to fit. I showed him how to climb on top and he kinda jumped off. I stepped on it and showed him how to use his knees to land properly. Erik found a stick and just wanted to play in the mud or destroy trees with it but I told him that we had to travel back for dinner. He got to keep the stick.
We climbed a tree and petted some dogs. We also tried to not touch the asphalt by walking only on the speed bumps. Erik started to get weary. I kept on saying, "We got to keep on going" or "Come on." He kept saying "Yes" in the cutest manner. He got some energy when there was a puddle which he splashed all over both of us. I did lead most of the activities but it was just so much fun to have someone willing to play silly games with.
Thanks to Sydni for the concert, Brian for a lovely dinner, and Erik for being three.
It was on a Tuesday night so I had to tell my bass chair that I could not make it to rehearsal. I do not think he thought a Hanson concert was a valid enough reason but I did. I still do. I gave my word. It may have been four years ago when Sydni and I were living together but it is still valid.
The Hanson concert was fun. There was two opening bands. The first had Frankie Munez in it and Syd told me that he is friends with Hanson. The next band had a much more charismatic singer, but they need to work on their lyrics. Every song was about love and most included eyes, lips, and her. It got boring. We waited. Then Hanson came on. I enjoyed their new songs from their album Shout It Out. It had some brass parts in it and it felt like it had a bit of Motown influences. It was also just lovely to hang out with Sydni sans husband and kids.
One of the best parts of the evening though was with Sydni's three year old Erik. Sydni was getting ready and Brian was playing a computer game. I bored Brian with some dating stories. I even said quite excitedly, "Tell me what he meant, Brian! You speak man, right?" Brian just said, "Ummm...Uh..no". I was mostly joking but Brian has surprised me in the past with advice. I sat there and tapped my foot against the ground. I was bored. What to do? I then saw Erik running around. I asked, "Hey, Erik, you want put some clothes on and go outside?" Erik responded so cutely and said in a high pitched tone, "Yes".
Erik was wearing only underwear so Syd and I told him to get some pants on. He ran off. We chatted. He came back with a Rice Krispies box. I stood up and told him that was not his pants. We put the cereal back. Erik and I wandered around trying to find clothes that fit him and his shoes. I did not know the house and Erik apparently did not either. Erik dressed himself after telling me he could not do it and me telling him he could. He did.
We went out and explored the neighborhood. I spied a penny. I told Erik to run over and grab it. He did and put it in his pocket. I saw long pieces of styrofoam so Erik and I played swords. Then we went over to yellow posts and hit them a couple times. We picked up the styrofoam pieces and threw them away. It was like being a kid again. I was the leader and it was so fun to see Erik mimic me. I stomped on leaves so he did too. We stopped and looked at mud. I started to play in it so he did too. We checked out the pool where Erik greeted another kid who started to play lion or something in the grass. The kid did not respond. I told Erik that the kid was not interested but I was proud of his social skills. We shuffled our feet through dirt as we continued to travel through the houses.
Erik hid from me behind some bushes. I tried to convince him to follow the house behind the bushes but he did not want to. I then had to go back there and lead our exploration team behind the bushes. It was much easier for the three year old since he is much smaller. We then saw an overturned grocery cart. I told Erik it would be fun to crawl through, which he did. I was a bit jealous but I was not going to fit. I showed him how to climb on top and he kinda jumped off. I stepped on it and showed him how to use his knees to land properly. Erik found a stick and just wanted to play in the mud or destroy trees with it but I told him that we had to travel back for dinner. He got to keep the stick.
We climbed a tree and petted some dogs. We also tried to not touch the asphalt by walking only on the speed bumps. Erik started to get weary. I kept on saying, "We got to keep on going" or "Come on." He kept saying "Yes" in the cutest manner. He got some energy when there was a puddle which he splashed all over both of us. I did lead most of the activities but it was just so much fun to have someone willing to play silly games with.
Thanks to Sydni for the concert, Brian for a lovely dinner, and Erik for being three.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Cleaning House
I am cleaning up. I do not just mean literally cleaning up like doing dishes, shifting the kitty litter, or picking up my room. That has happened (in part to find my cell phone) but I mean more!
I was the vendor room manager for Sabo Con (an anime convention). I did not work on it very much but it was always in the back of my mind. Send emails out. Figure out when you came meet up with the Operations Director. I also felt like I had no clue what was going. I hate going back on something I said I would do but I evaluated what it brought to my life. I am not into anime and I was not excited about asking time off from work. I decided. I sent an resignation email . The operations director sent a message back like two minutes later accepting while being professional. I had sent a message a week and half earlier asking when we could meet. I never got a response. I freed up my time and mental energy!
I started prioritizing. I asked for letter of recommendations from folks so I can be a substitute. I'm working out. I'm posting my blogs by my internal deadlines. I'm dating guys. Practice does make better. I do not get as nervous flirting with new guys, and I'm getting better at recognizing when to walk away and not feel guilty about it.
I still plan on vacuuming and sweeping the floors. Soon, I will have to focus on career. I have been playing with the idea of researching teaching English other places and seeing if I could pay my medical debts and be traveling at the same time. I wanted to teach English and save money for traveling but maybe that will be year two of teaching. Traveling calls.
I was the vendor room manager for Sabo Con (an anime convention). I did not work on it very much but it was always in the back of my mind. Send emails out. Figure out when you came meet up with the Operations Director. I also felt like I had no clue what was going. I hate going back on something I said I would do but I evaluated what it brought to my life. I am not into anime and I was not excited about asking time off from work. I decided. I sent an resignation email . The operations director sent a message back like two minutes later accepting while being professional. I had sent a message a week and half earlier asking when we could meet. I never got a response. I freed up my time and mental energy!
I started prioritizing. I asked for letter of recommendations from folks so I can be a substitute. I'm working out. I'm posting my blogs by my internal deadlines. I'm dating guys. Practice does make better. I do not get as nervous flirting with new guys, and I'm getting better at recognizing when to walk away and not feel guilty about it.
I still plan on vacuuming and sweeping the floors. Soon, I will have to focus on career. I have been playing with the idea of researching teaching English other places and seeing if I could pay my medical debts and be traveling at the same time. I wanted to teach English and save money for traveling but maybe that will be year two of teaching. Traveling calls.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Time!
I do not have enough time. I feel that way but I know it is not true. I just want to say yes to social engagements, earn money, and get all my writing done. Oh right! Of course, I also need time to work out and play video games. I have to start saying no especially to myself.
I was suppose to go hiking Camelback with a friend this morning but canceled on her. I should have never said yes because I know what I want to get done. I have to apply to jobs that will make me happier both with more earning power and the expectation to use my brain more. I have two blogs now. I can skimp on this one because I do, but I need to prove to myself that I can set goals like update my personal blog weekly.
I need to leave soon to go volunteer with the Boys and Girls club. AS I write this, almost all my obligations are self imposed. That makes sense since that is what life is about. I do have to to work to pay my bills. Still, my mother would let me live with her for a while and I could ditch out on my medical bills. I won't but it is weird to feel how life has the structure that we impose on them.
Anyway, I still want to see my friends but I need to find the balance. I also have been dating a lot. There have been so many experiences. I am getting better at rejecting guys that do not fit with me and I'm also getting better at going for guys. I was dating a guy recently. He got past the second date! That is a big deal. I try not to give too much details about my dating life on this blog because I just have to think about what I would want any of the guys I am dating to read about themselves that I have not verbalized. There is also two other guys that I am interested to go on dates with and another two online I plan on contacting. Again, dating takes time so I have to figure out what to cut out. I have been trying to cut sleep and cleaning. That does not really work.
I have been saying yes a lot and I need to keep on saying yes. I just need to say yes to myself about writing, volunteering, cleaning, and so on. I will figure out my priorities and it will work out.
I was suppose to go hiking Camelback with a friend this morning but canceled on her. I should have never said yes because I know what I want to get done. I have to apply to jobs that will make me happier both with more earning power and the expectation to use my brain more. I have two blogs now. I can skimp on this one because I do, but I need to prove to myself that I can set goals like update my personal blog weekly.
I need to leave soon to go volunteer with the Boys and Girls club. AS I write this, almost all my obligations are self imposed. That makes sense since that is what life is about. I do have to to work to pay my bills. Still, my mother would let me live with her for a while and I could ditch out on my medical bills. I won't but it is weird to feel how life has the structure that we impose on them.
Anyway, I still want to see my friends but I need to find the balance. I also have been dating a lot. There have been so many experiences. I am getting better at rejecting guys that do not fit with me and I'm also getting better at going for guys. I was dating a guy recently. He got past the second date! That is a big deal. I try not to give too much details about my dating life on this blog because I just have to think about what I would want any of the guys I am dating to read about themselves that I have not verbalized. There is also two other guys that I am interested to go on dates with and another two online I plan on contacting. Again, dating takes time so I have to figure out what to cut out. I have been trying to cut sleep and cleaning. That does not really work.
I have been saying yes a lot and I need to keep on saying yes. I just need to say yes to myself about writing, volunteering, cleaning, and so on. I will figure out my priorities and it will work out.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Mundane Mentions with a spattering of Momentous
A quick disclaimer, I like the word Momentous but it might be a bit of an over exaggeration for me to use. I checked my blogs for August to get a better sense of what I actually wrote. Apparently my computer and I were struggling. That problem is taken care of. My bro is coming over soon and we will be playing Culdcept so I will try to catch everyone up.
I'm listening to Pandora while writing this blog and shopping for car insurance. I had paid for a year subscription to Pandora and it expired in August. The commercials come on so often and it is like the same one over and over again. It is a commercial to buy "Why did I get married too?". It worked to the point that I made sure that it was a bad as it sounded. I googled it and looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It did not get great reviews. Should I pay another 36 dollars to listen as much as I want without commercials or should I save that 3 dollars a month? I love Pandora and easily go through the 40 hours limit a month. I will probably buying it again. I really need a second job to pay my medical bills. I can pay all my other bills with my current job but it is not enough. I do not mean just monetary wise either. My brain wants something else.
The steps that I during the summer are coming to fruition. I am a volunteer at the Boys and Girls club! Guess what? I love working with kids. I am good at it too. I started doing it to earn experience that would look good when I applied to be a substitute teacher, but I will keep on doing it because it is so much fun. There are irritating parts where a kid and I get into a minor argument about how he can communicate to me that I need to slow down. A fun moment where I told a child quite sternly that he was not to call himself dumb. I passed on my personal philosophy that there are plenty of people who will do that for you so you do not need to be one of them. He wanted me to be his substitute. So cute.
Why am I shopping for car insurance? Because I got a new car! It is a '98 Volkswagon Jetta GLX - red. A cello player in my symphony said in surprise "You got a real car!" Okay mister, my old Subaru was real if a bit worn. I found out that my car insurance was charging me too much for my old car. Not a shocker there. I told them I could get a better deal and they did not even try to compete. They charge me around 300 for 6 months and at least two places are willing to do 150-180 for the same coverage.
The cello player made his comment last Tuesday night. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra's (CSO)season is going again. Every year I am reminded how much I love playing my bass. CSO gave me a great opportunity. I am the new CSO blogger! I am the first blogger in fact. I wrote the first blog on Tuesday and I was all shaky with nerves. Here is the link. http://chandlersymphonyorchestra.wordpress.com
My brother is here so I am off. I missed last weeks update so I will write another tomorrow, but I have to apply to a school district by the end tomorrow.
I'm listening to Pandora while writing this blog and shopping for car insurance. I had paid for a year subscription to Pandora and it expired in August. The commercials come on so often and it is like the same one over and over again. It is a commercial to buy "Why did I get married too?". It worked to the point that I made sure that it was a bad as it sounded. I googled it and looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It did not get great reviews. Should I pay another 36 dollars to listen as much as I want without commercials or should I save that 3 dollars a month? I love Pandora and easily go through the 40 hours limit a month. I will probably buying it again. I really need a second job to pay my medical bills. I can pay all my other bills with my current job but it is not enough. I do not mean just monetary wise either. My brain wants something else.
The steps that I during the summer are coming to fruition. I am a volunteer at the Boys and Girls club! Guess what? I love working with kids. I am good at it too. I started doing it to earn experience that would look good when I applied to be a substitute teacher, but I will keep on doing it because it is so much fun. There are irritating parts where a kid and I get into a minor argument about how he can communicate to me that I need to slow down. A fun moment where I told a child quite sternly that he was not to call himself dumb. I passed on my personal philosophy that there are plenty of people who will do that for you so you do not need to be one of them. He wanted me to be his substitute. So cute.
Why am I shopping for car insurance? Because I got a new car! It is a '98 Volkswagon Jetta GLX - red. A cello player in my symphony said in surprise "You got a real car!" Okay mister, my old Subaru was real if a bit worn. I found out that my car insurance was charging me too much for my old car. Not a shocker there. I told them I could get a better deal and they did not even try to compete. They charge me around 300 for 6 months and at least two places are willing to do 150-180 for the same coverage.
The cello player made his comment last Tuesday night. The Chandler Symphony Orchestra's (CSO)season is going again. Every year I am reminded how much I love playing my bass. CSO gave me a great opportunity. I am the new CSO blogger! I am the first blogger in fact. I wrote the first blog on Tuesday and I was all shaky with nerves. Here is the link. http://chandlersymphonyorchestra.wordpress.com
My brother is here so I am off. I missed last weeks update so I will write another tomorrow, but I have to apply to a school district by the end tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)