It is the middle of Phoenix Comicon and my hands tremble as I write this blog. A lovely volunteer pointed out that I have bags under my eyes. I'm very tired. I got 6 hours two nights ago and 5 last night. I feel like I have not been to work in forever because it has been all about the convention the last three days. My brother asked to play games next week but I can't think that far in the future. It is about now.
I have felt that way for the past few months with my fibroid. I could not plan my future. Well, here is a quick update. I found a surgeon who says she can remove my fibroid laparoscopically and we are going to do that June 29th. As I wrote that sentence, I remember how I inquired about dangers of bleeding out on the table and her assuring me she is going to use Vasopressin or some drug with a similar spelling to constrict my blood vessels. Then a flash of vision, I am on a steel table unconscious - no control. I froze from the fear. I am scared.
I am also giddy because I can plan my future. I daydream about the places I will travel. I'm excited and slightly dread filled with the idea of finding a new job, but so relived to be moving on.
The theme of my life right now - moving on! I also want a successful blog so I will start reading Wil Wheaton's (fun speaker!) blog and maybe Felicia Day's. I will post about my adventures at Comicon, but here are some last words by Wil Wheaton:
"Don't be a dick."
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My fibroid
My fibroid is 7cm by 6cm by 5cm.
I apparently told very few people about my update three months ago which makes the numbers in above sentence not mean a lot. My fibroid was originally 10cm or the size of a navel orange when it was found. I measured an orange the other day and it is huge when put by my stomach. It could have been larger like a grapefruit but still orange is pretty dang big.
Three months ago my fibroid shrank to 7cms. “Cool,” I thought at that time. It shrank by 30 percent which is pretty standard. I had discussed with Dr. Villa at my three month appointment that I did not want to take hormones for six months because of the risk of bone loss. He assured me that usually fibroids shrink more in the 4-6 month range "in his experience." That was a bit odd. All the literature I found on it said that a 35% drop is the standard and the shrinkage peaks at three months.
No surprise to anyone who read the first sentence, my fibroid did not shrink in the past 3 months (or the 4-6 month range). Well, actually it did a tiny bit. It was 7cm by 6cm by 6cm. Therefore, my fibroid shrunk by 1 cm in one dimension.
Anyway, 6 months ago my fibroid looked like a navel orange and now more like a plum. I had those two fruits in my kitchen and examined them to an online ruler. The plum had a diameter about 7cm and the navel orange had a diameter of about 10cm, and yet a plum is quite smaller than a navel orange. The diameter of my fibroid went from 10cm to 7 cm which is a 30 percent drop. I then got white and nerdy. The formula for volume for a sphere is V=4/3*pi*r^3 (not crazy nerdy since I have not done the formula for an irregular sphere). My fibroid originally had a volume of approximately 520cm^3. It is now around 180cm^3 (if 7 is used as the diameter). 180 is only about 35% of 520 so my fibroid went down 65%! I may have done my math wrong but it all makes sense when I compare an orange to a plum.
After the ultrasound, I sat there. It did not shrink. What do I do?
I want surgery because with current technology or medical knowledge fibroids are not an easy fix. They shrink when there is no estrogen so after menopause or during a chemically induced menopause. I do not want surgery, but I do not want to wait 20 years to get menopause which would not help anyway if I wanted to get pregnant. I do want to get pregnant…one day. Also, I want the fibroid out. I do not want to work my job anymore just for the insurance. Hmmmm, as I sat there I thought I will see what Dr. Villa recommends.
Villa looked at the numbers and then asked me what I wanted to do. No recommendations. I tell him I will not stay on hormones and do want to do more research. That seemed to be all he needed. He then shifted his weight in preparation to stand. "Wait!" I told him, "This is part of the research."
He told me three months ago that he would feel comfortable doing the surgery when the fibroid was less than 5cm. I reiterated that. He waved his hand dismissively and said the surgery would be fine to do. What? I wonder to myself why it had changed. I asked if the surgery could be done laparoscopically also known as minimally invasive surgery. Oh no, he assured me because my fibroid is too large. I did research the night before and they defined big as larger than 10cm. I started feeling pretty sure that this surgery will not happen with Dr. Villa but I want to make sure. I asked how many surgeries or myomectomies he does monthly. "Monthly?" He repeated the question, never a good sign. He started to explain how he does not do them on a monthly basis so I asked when the last time he did one was. He responded "Two months ago. They are not done that often." I asked why not. Apparently it is because when a woman is in her late thirties or early forties she no longer needs her uterus and so they take it out. I just stared at him and thought oh no. I do not agree with this philosophy at all. So, he recommended that I go talk to his front girls to get a second opinion. Alrighty.
I talked with the check out girl who had no clue how to answer my question. I walk to the front desk. The front desk ladies told me to go to the check out girl. One comes with me to help the check out girl. She is on the phone. I have two other people helping me who start to give me cards to urologists. Urology? ...? ....?
I asked "Isn't urology dealing with the bladder?" A minute or two passed as the front desk women disappeared and came back. She hurriedly took the cards out of my hands and put them back in the book. She flipped to another page to recommend me to people who specialize in gastro something or other. Gastro? Isn't that to do with the intestines? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. They finally asked Dr. Villa who recommended one doctor in the office, Dr. Moore, and another in a different office. I asked the check out girl/appointment setter if Dr. Moore does fibroid surgery. She responded that he does surgeries. Okay but does he do surgeries related to fibroids? I asked that question and she responded with, “He does all kind of surgeries” while staring at me with big frightened eyes. Yeah, I cannot recommend this office.
I did research and Phoenix magazine came out with an issue about doctors recently. I have a consult with Dr. Deborah Wilson on Monday. Wish me luck.
Or better yet, talk to everyone you know and see if they had to deal with fibroids. Do they know an amazing surgeon in Arizona? Tell me. That would be the best ever.
I apparently told very few people about my update three months ago which makes the numbers in above sentence not mean a lot. My fibroid was originally 10cm or the size of a navel orange when it was found. I measured an orange the other day and it is huge when put by my stomach. It could have been larger like a grapefruit but still orange is pretty dang big.
Three months ago my fibroid shrank to 7cms. “Cool,” I thought at that time. It shrank by 30 percent which is pretty standard. I had discussed with Dr. Villa at my three month appointment that I did not want to take hormones for six months because of the risk of bone loss. He assured me that usually fibroids shrink more in the 4-6 month range "in his experience." That was a bit odd. All the literature I found on it said that a 35% drop is the standard and the shrinkage peaks at three months.
No surprise to anyone who read the first sentence, my fibroid did not shrink in the past 3 months (or the 4-6 month range). Well, actually it did a tiny bit. It was 7cm by 6cm by 6cm. Therefore, my fibroid shrunk by 1 cm in one dimension.
Anyway, 6 months ago my fibroid looked like a navel orange and now more like a plum. I had those two fruits in my kitchen and examined them to an online ruler. The plum had a diameter about 7cm and the navel orange had a diameter of about 10cm, and yet a plum is quite smaller than a navel orange. The diameter of my fibroid went from 10cm to 7 cm which is a 30 percent drop. I then got white and nerdy. The formula for volume for a sphere is V=4/3*pi*r^3 (not crazy nerdy since I have not done the formula for an irregular sphere). My fibroid originally had a volume of approximately 520cm^3. It is now around 180cm^3 (if 7 is used as the diameter). 180 is only about 35% of 520 so my fibroid went down 65%! I may have done my math wrong but it all makes sense when I compare an orange to a plum.
After the ultrasound, I sat there. It did not shrink. What do I do?
I want surgery because with current technology or medical knowledge fibroids are not an easy fix. They shrink when there is no estrogen so after menopause or during a chemically induced menopause. I do not want surgery, but I do not want to wait 20 years to get menopause which would not help anyway if I wanted to get pregnant. I do want to get pregnant…one day. Also, I want the fibroid out. I do not want to work my job anymore just for the insurance. Hmmmm, as I sat there I thought I will see what Dr. Villa recommends.
Villa looked at the numbers and then asked me what I wanted to do. No recommendations. I tell him I will not stay on hormones and do want to do more research. That seemed to be all he needed. He then shifted his weight in preparation to stand. "Wait!" I told him, "This is part of the research."
He told me three months ago that he would feel comfortable doing the surgery when the fibroid was less than 5cm. I reiterated that. He waved his hand dismissively and said the surgery would be fine to do. What? I wonder to myself why it had changed. I asked if the surgery could be done laparoscopically also known as minimally invasive surgery. Oh no, he assured me because my fibroid is too large. I did research the night before and they defined big as larger than 10cm. I started feeling pretty sure that this surgery will not happen with Dr. Villa but I want to make sure. I asked how many surgeries or myomectomies he does monthly. "Monthly?" He repeated the question, never a good sign. He started to explain how he does not do them on a monthly basis so I asked when the last time he did one was. He responded "Two months ago. They are not done that often." I asked why not. Apparently it is because when a woman is in her late thirties or early forties she no longer needs her uterus and so they take it out. I just stared at him and thought oh no. I do not agree with this philosophy at all. So, he recommended that I go talk to his front girls to get a second opinion. Alrighty.
I talked with the check out girl who had no clue how to answer my question. I walk to the front desk. The front desk ladies told me to go to the check out girl. One comes with me to help the check out girl. She is on the phone. I have two other people helping me who start to give me cards to urologists. Urology? ...? ....?
I asked "Isn't urology dealing with the bladder?" A minute or two passed as the front desk women disappeared and came back. She hurriedly took the cards out of my hands and put them back in the book. She flipped to another page to recommend me to people who specialize in gastro something or other. Gastro? Isn't that to do with the intestines? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. They finally asked Dr. Villa who recommended one doctor in the office, Dr. Moore, and another in a different office. I asked the check out girl/appointment setter if Dr. Moore does fibroid surgery. She responded that he does surgeries. Okay but does he do surgeries related to fibroids? I asked that question and she responded with, “He does all kind of surgeries” while staring at me with big frightened eyes. Yeah, I cannot recommend this office.
I did research and Phoenix magazine came out with an issue about doctors recently. I have a consult with Dr. Deborah Wilson on Monday. Wish me luck.
Or better yet, talk to everyone you know and see if they had to deal with fibroids. Do they know an amazing surgeon in Arizona? Tell me. That would be the best ever.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Clown Birthday Party
My birthday party started really slow. My brother showed up at 3 but no one else did. He went to Target to get a bathing suit and I tidied up my room. I began to worry that no one would show other than family. Roy came back and people started to arrive. LuAnne is amazing and made lemon cake which rocked since I did not have a birthday cake till that moment! Sydni gave me a hideously perfect outfit to wear. It looked like an 80's dress (with shoulder pads). The bottom was solid blue and top part was different colored stripes - blue, red, green, and orange. People partied for a good two hours. My mother is the best. She let me paint her face and people compared it to the most recent Joker. It was not pretty but she laughed.
The party never got a lot of steam because I chose a bad day. Lots of people were having parties and mine had a clown theme. Two strong reasons for not as high as attendance as in the past. The party fizzled out, but three of us continued to party. We had clown make up on and needed to show the world! My bro, roommate from Craigslist (she is so fun!), and I went to a party of people my brother knew. We got some looks. Overall some rather cool people to chill with.
Also, I am in transition. I noticed that I have three friend types. The best are the reliable and amazing people. They call me. I call them. They are decent and kind. I want to hang out with them and feel they want to see me.
I have two other types that no longer work for me. There are the people that show up and call, but are rude little people. The others are people I love to hang out with but I never see unless I do the heavy lifting. I can do better. Of course, I might think that I am closer to someone than they think. There was a small incident where something nasty was said at my party that most did not hear but I did. Worst for me was it was said about some I care for. If it was said about me, I would have wonder if I did something or brushed it off. I have no tolerance though when I see someone attacking someone I care for.
There are other friend types of course - friends of friends, the friends that live really far away, mostly online friends, and so on. Also, friends start changing and drift away, while other people move in. A lot has happened this year. I had no energy to focus on what type of friendships I wanted or notice how I was changing.
About being 27, what a hard year and I appreciate all that supported me!
I have an ultrasound tomorrow and get more information about surgery and all that. Wish me luck!
The party never got a lot of steam because I chose a bad day. Lots of people were having parties and mine had a clown theme. Two strong reasons for not as high as attendance as in the past. The party fizzled out, but three of us continued to party. We had clown make up on and needed to show the world! My bro, roommate from Craigslist (she is so fun!), and I went to a party of people my brother knew. We got some looks. Overall some rather cool people to chill with.
Also, I am in transition. I noticed that I have three friend types. The best are the reliable and amazing people. They call me. I call them. They are decent and kind. I want to hang out with them and feel they want to see me.
I have two other types that no longer work for me. There are the people that show up and call, but are rude little people. The others are people I love to hang out with but I never see unless I do the heavy lifting. I can do better. Of course, I might think that I am closer to someone than they think. There was a small incident where something nasty was said at my party that most did not hear but I did. Worst for me was it was said about some I care for. If it was said about me, I would have wonder if I did something or brushed it off. I have no tolerance though when I see someone attacking someone I care for.
There are other friend types of course - friends of friends, the friends that live really far away, mostly online friends, and so on. Also, friends start changing and drift away, while other people move in. A lot has happened this year. I had no energy to focus on what type of friendships I wanted or notice how I was changing.
About being 27, what a hard year and I appreciate all that supported me!
I have an ultrasound tomorrow and get more information about surgery and all that. Wish me luck!
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