Culmination

My fibroid surgery is tomorrow. For the past few weeks, I have been scared and then excited. I then worried about money and back to excited. My emotions have been going around and around. Last night, a co-worker asked, “Why do you need the surgery? Couldn’t you live with it?”

I asked myself that question several times over the past 10 months. I know I could live with it because I have been. That question leads a different one. Do I want children? I don’t know anymore. I have said yes many times in the past. I do not know now. I want the option of children.

Why have the surgery now?

At this very moment, I am exhausted. My period started yesterday and I have been bleeding heavily since. Before my chemical menopause, I would bleed for two weeks and so much. It sucked. I could put on a new pad, ride my bike for 15 minutes, and suddenly I had bleed through my pad and my jeans. My energy drained out of me as the blood did.

I am going into debt for the first time in my life. I have visions of me bleeding out on the table or having other risks from the surgery. I did my research and chose a great surgeon. I have time and support now. My family is amazing. I am tired of waiting.

I feel like I am making this surgery too big of a deal. That’s okay. I have learned and next medical dilemma or life crisis, I will know how to roll with it better. Tomorrow, my fibroid comes out. Today, I am chugging magnesium citrate (a laxative for the big day). When I feel better, I am going out dancing. I will figure out this whole traveling thing and I will flirt like no other.


P.S. The Phoenix Comicon series is almost complete and I will have the last one up by the end of the week.

Peace Yo