I'm a bit more condervative than I thought. I was staying at this cool hostal called Hostal Cuencana. The owners were nice and it was very tranquil. The only problem was that I was paying 8 dollars a night to stay there and I was not sleeping there. I was sleeping at Antonio's house and one day Antonio's dad talked to Antonio. I thought it was an arguement and got all upset. I knew that I should not be sleeping over at his house when it is a primarily Catholic country. I got all upset and distant.
Totally wrong. Antonio's dad was just inviting me to live with them. Wow. Ummm... hmmm. I do not know. I mean the cheap bastard inside of me says "Score!" I offered 50 dollars because they keep on feeding me and they never ask me to clean. I do a bit but they have a cleaning lady. I did not want to be a leech in their life. The rational part of me thinks, "Antonio is already more attached than you like and there would be no privacy. Do his parents really approve? Will Antonio drive me crazy and I will start wishing I could hit him with a piece of wood?" Okay no violence but I will probably fill caged and stuck. Another part of me is like "Freaking live in the moment. You will not know until you try and you are not responsible for Antonio's feelings. You have made it clear that you are leaving, that this is temporary, and he is an adult. He can make his own choices". All in all, I felt like it was a dumb idea. But what a story! but dumb.
I thought about it. Okay, I will do it. The cheap bastard and traveling girl parts prevailed. I told Antonio. Later that night, after he was driving me crazy, the rational part reared up. I told Antonio, "Umm, I can't do it". A small roller coaster for Antonio. Then I got space and was geniunely happy to be there. Okay only one thing to do. Ask Mom. I called her up and she had no clue. Thanks Mom. But the main thing for me was that she did not think it was completely stupid or crazy. I guess I needed my mother's approval. So I did the deed.
I moved into an Ecuadorian's man house after knowing him for about a week and a half. I did not think I would posted it on the web because it is hard for me to admit. Not that I'm ashamed. I planned on telling everyone when I got back but there is just to many stories. I just need to not overthink things.
Even though his parents invited me and seemed nice, I could not accept that the whole family approved. I still believe that my underlying instinct is correct on this. They do not have a big problem but do not really approve. But as long as they are nice, I can ignore that feeling for a few days.
I got home two days ago at night. Antonio was working so it wsa just me. I had already dealt with this being hard for me the night before. I said hey to the dad and went to the room. It was a pretty good night. I saw a free concert which had some really good singers but had some sound problems and music problems as well. Later my teacher told me it was more like a school performance even though the performers are middle aged or older. It reminded me so much of my symphony. That made me realize that I truly love music. I personally thought that I kept on doing it partly out of duty and some enjoyment. Nope, my soul loves music and I love to perform. I love the people I play. So when I'm in Antonio's room, I'm in a good mood. There is two doors in his room, the main one and a cool little closet area that goes to another room. I decide to grab the big blankets to make the bed warm. I tried to go through the cool closet area. The door is locked. Dangit, Antonio must have locked it. Go for the main door, start to push. It will not budge. Wow, is the door locked? It is! I'm completely stucked in this room. Antonio's parents do not trust me and have locked me in!
The rational part of me is like "That does not make sense". Try again. I try pushing the door again. Won't open. I start crying and freaking out. I try the other door. I try the main door. I think about trying to go out the window but the rational part reins me in. I truly believe they have locked me in. It does not makes sense but I believe it. I start to knock on the door. I did not want to wake the house but screw it, if they lock me in, they can deal with my noise. The dad finally notices the noise a few moments later and figures out where it is coming from. He comes up and pushes the door. It opens. My brain clicks. He pushed. I pushed to get in. I needed to pull. I'm so dumb and feel so embarassed. I then have to try to explain in poor Spanish. The dad is a dear and tells me his room is just down there. Yes, yes, it is my fault. I start feeling really bad but push it away. I made a mistake. This is a learning situation. I usually do this but next time take a big breahe and think.
I told this story to Antonio when he got home. He then told me that there is like 5 ways to get out of his room. Two involve climbing but the other is just going to the restroom and unlocking the side door. His room is kinda makeshift. I feel more dumb but still realize that I just freaked out. It happens. I also believe it happened because I was alreay feeling trapped. My brain was already there so it just went down that path. The next day Antonio brought it up during lunch. His parents thought it was a funny story. I'm sure one day I will to, but not yet. i said I was embarrased and the parents were like "Why?" Really. Really it is not obvious but they were very nice.
I do not regret making the decision of moving in. It has been a learning situation. The main thing I have learned is that I'm no where near ready for a relationship even one that is temporary. Ye gods, having to communicate and comprimise. I do not want to. I enjoy being single and do what I want. When I get back, dating will be fun, but where I can see the person once a week or once every two weeks. Something completely not serious. This has been a good experience. I was scared that I would stay in a bad relationship again in the future just because I like companionship. Not a fear now. Antonio is a good guy and sweet. We are not right for each other in the long term. To be frank I'm not sure about the short term, but we do have fun together. Just the language barrier can be hard and I'm not great at living in the moment. But if this was not temporary, if it did not already have an end date, I would end it. If I was dating Antonio in the states, I would say "Fun but it has run its course". Of course, in the States I would have more of my own life (family and friends), we would not have seen each other almost everyday, and I would not be living with him.
I will try living in the moment and I do want to take one more week of Spanish. I'm not sure past that. If it is fun, I will stay. If not, I leave for Peru next weekend. I got really frustrated last night and almost decided to leave sooner. Part of the problem is I did not want to have serious conversations about emotions and crap, but since we are spending so much time together, it had to happen. Whatever happens in the future, it has been really interesting if not always fun. I definitely taught me quite a bit about myself which has been a great side effect of this trip. Not something I expected but great.
I'm keep on being surprised by my money situation. I know I'm good with money but even when I think I overspend, my budget is stilling doing great. Always better than I expect. I have money for school, around 20 dollars a day right now, and 30 dollars for when I'm not living with Antonio. I calculated it for me leaving next ween and in twenty days. Just so cool. This is with me being conservative and leaving 200 dollars for any unexpected airport taxes or fees. If it all works out, I will come back being able to affor eating out. Which I have to do. Elmer's, yummmm. I'm also getting better at asking what I need. I did not do so well with the last teacher but that will change next week. I changed schools.
Pictures are up of Galapagos and some of Cuenca.
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